::Title slide - Empowering Families of LGBTQ+ Youth - Building a Foundation of Support & Understanding:: [Tammera Honer] All right. I went to welcome everyone today to our Lunch and Learn. This Lunch and Learn is being brought to you by a collaboration between Oklahoma Human Services, University of Oklahoma Anne and Henry Zarrow School of Social Work, and the Oklahoma Adoption Competency Network. We appreciate everyone joining during your lu-- noon lunch hour. We want to get started so we can make sure to respect everyone's time and get the great information being discussed today. First, let's go over a few housekeeping rules for our time together. We are recording this meeting, so by participating you are giving your consent to be recorded. Help us to reduce distractions so that we can all focus and participate. In order to do that, we have muted everyone to make it possible for everyone to hear the speakers. We want you to express your thoughts and questions, so please utilize the chat for this purpose, and we will monitor the chat and questions will be touched upon during our Q&A time during the last 15 minutes of the webinar. We want to see you, so if you're willing and you can, please turn on your video. If you are unable that is fine also. To receive information about other post- adoption events, please list your name and email in the chat and we will make sure to add you to our contact list And please remember confidentiality. It is vital that we protect confidential information, so we will not share specifics such as names, details, etc. about adoption cases, people, and children. By attending this training, you will receive one hour of training credit towards the 12 hours of in-service training that you need each year. Please indicate in the chat if you would like to receive a certificate. Now, I'm going to hand everything off to Kelley Ivey. She is one of our post-adoption social workers, and she is today's host. Kelley? [Kelley Ivey] Thank you very much Tammera. Um, as far as I, my name is Kelley Ivey. I'm a clinical social worker in post- adoptions. I have been working with foster and adoptive families for a little over 10 years, I am an ally, I have worked with the Oklahoma City Pride group -- there's, there's a couple different Pride groups, but I've worked with them for over 15 years, and I am very excited to be here to share this information with you today. ::Slide - Recognizing Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity & Expression:: To start our presentation, I want to announce that throughout this whole presentation. I will be using the acronym LGBTQ. I want to note that I'm using this acronym to be the most inclusive way possible. Language is changing and evolving all the time, and as such, the acronyms that we use are always evolving, and I just want it to be known that the acronym that I'm using today is abbreviated but is meant to be fully inclusive. To help us to start to understand what all these acronyms mean and the letters and the abbreviations and what they stand for, I want to start with just a quick video. It will help break down different definitions and different terms that are often used in today's discussion. Oops, skipped the slide. One second. Let's see. There we go. [Video starts; music plays] [Animated narrator walking through an office setting] [Narrator] Hello, and thanks for joining us today. Before we get started with today's live content, we want to talk about some basic terminology that is important to know when working with people who have diverse sexual orientations or diverse gender identities. There are four elements of identity that you will need to know: sex assigned at birth, gender identity, gender expression, and sexual orientation. First is sex assigned at birth, which is based on physical anatomy. [Scene of hospital room with a person in a hospital bed, another holding a baby and talking to a medical person] This is often assigned before or immediately after birth by looking at the baby's anatomy. [Graphic of sex assignments described by narrator] The most typical sex assigned at birth is either female or male, but there are other variations of sex worth noting. Variation in sex characteristics can be variations among hormones, chromosomes, or anatomy. The term intersex is used as an umbrella term for those born with varying sex characteristics. [Graphic displaying data from narrator] About one in every 100 people are born intersex. [Narrator and other person with balloons walking into hospital room] That's more common than most people think, so contrary to popular belief, there are in fact more sexes than just male or female. [Narrator in office setting] The next important term to know is gender identity. [Graphics showing different colored brains] Gender identity is a person's internal sense of their own gender. All people have a gender identity, though not many people think about it. Gender identity is how you feel about [Person sitting in front of mirror] your gender and your role in your culture's gender practices. Gendered practices vary from culture to culture. [Narrator in office setting] So there isn't only one way to define being a girl, woman, boy, man, or any other gender. Gender identity forms very [People in clothing store with signs for Boy and Girl clothes] early in childhood with some science pointing to as early as two years old. [Children near 4 signs reading "Both", "I'm a Boy", I'm a Girl" and "Not Sure"] When young children start to say, "I'm a boy," or "I am a girl," they are describing how they feel about their own gender. [Narrator in office] I would like to explain a few key terms related to gender identity. [Silhouette of person and graphic of narrated terms] The word cisgender describes a person whose gender identity and sex assigned at birth match. The word transgender describes a person whose gender identity differs from their sex assigned at birth. The term transgender is also an umbrella term for gender identities like gender fluid, non-binary, and agender. [Narrator in office] For more information on these terms, click the glossary Link in the description. The next term you will want to know is gender expression. Gender expression describes how people express their gender externally. [People displayed in various outfits and hairstyles] This could be through clothing, hobbies, mannerisms, or hairstyles. [Narrator in office] Gender expression and the expectations around expression have changed over time, and they may change day to day depending on how a person feels. [Person displayed as masculine then feminine] Sometimes one might dress more masculine one day, and then decide to dress more feminine the next day. [People in medical office waiting room] It's important to note that gender expression does not tell us how someone identifies their gender, and it [Close up of form being filled out, showing questions asking the patient's pronouns] is best not to assume who someone is based on their style of clothing. It's best to ask the person how they identify. [Narrator in office setting] Lastly, we will talk about sexual orientation. Sexual orientation describes feelings of attraction. [Office person with thought bubble] Think back to when you had your last crush. What were the feelings you had? Maybe you felt excited when you saw the person you liked, maybe you got nervous or shy around them, or maybe your heart raced and you had attraction. Think back to when you had your last crush, what were the feelings you had? Maybe butterflies. These are all feelings of attraction. Attraction can mean different things to different people, but one thing to note is that these feelings are not a choice or something someone can control. [Office person in breakroom with person depicted as "crush" in thought bubble"] We cannot tell our heart to slow down or our butterflies to go away. [2 people under a tree in a park] Sexual orientation can start to form around early childhood. [Narrator in office setting] Think back to when you had your very first crush. This is when your sexual orientation started to develop. [Graphic of common terms] Common terms you hear associated with sexual orientation are lesbian, gay, bisexual, pansexual, queer, and straight. [People in park] Lesbian describes a girl or woman who was primarily attracted to other girls or women. Gay describes boys or men who are primarily attracted to other boys or men. But this term is also used by anyone who is attracted to the same gender. [Narrator in room with art easels and people painting] Bisexual refers to people who are attracted to their own gender as well as other genders. Pansexual refers to someone who was attracted to people regardless of gender. Asexual is used to describe someone who may not feel sexual attraction to any gender. This does not mean that the person doesn't want to be in relationships. It just means that the element of sexual attraction is absent. [Graphic of common terms] You might have also heard the term queer. Queer is used as an umbrella term that can only be defined by the individual using it. [Person holding umbrella with word "Queer" on it] The term continues to be hurtful to some people, especially older populations who experience this term as a slur. However, some people use this term as a source of pride and a symbol of determination. It's always best to use the term only if the person self-identifies as queer, and if the person gives you permission to refer to them in that way. [People sitting at tables in a restaurant] Lastly some people identify as straight, which means they are attracted to people of the opposite gender. Now that you have some basic terminology under your belt, you're ready to jump into the more specific content to get to know this population's experiences better and to gain skills on how to serve them best. [Video ends] ::Slide - 2022 National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health:: [Kelley Ivey] Okay. So now that we know some definitions and some terms that we're going to use throughout our conversation today, I want to look at some data, some statistics. Now, I am not a big numbers person. I look at numbers and it all just kind of it starts to look like an alphabet or something, but it's important to know what those numbers mean, and what the num-- the story that the numbers tell us. As parents, we have to recognize that the LGBTQ youth face stressors related to their identity that their peers don't have to necessarily worry about. 73% of LGBTQ youth reported that they've experienced discrimination based on their sexual orientation or gender identity within the last, within their lifetime. Now how we respond to them and how we treat them strongly impacts outcomes of our children. LGBTQ youths who live in a community that's accepting and affirming of their identities significant-- show significantly lower rates of suicidal ideation and attempted suicide, and it has an impact on several other health measures. The graphic at the top right where it says, it's the more colorful one that one shows suicide attempts by teenagers, or youth in general, who lived in community that was very accepting of their identity, versus suicide rates of youth who lived in a community where they were not accepted. The difference is 21% of the kids who lived in a not accepting community, 21% attempted suicide, whereas 8% in a very accepting community. To me those, that statistic just shows that just by showing support, just by showing acceptance, caring, and concern for who they are and how they express themselves drastically impacts their well- being. Data on sexual orientation and gender identity of children who are, who have experienced foster care is significantly limited just based on the fact that there's no clear mandate to track this information. But research has consistently shown that LGBTQ youth are overrepresented in the foster care population. The Human Rights Campaign estimates that 30% of Youth in foster care identify as LGBTQ, whereas approximately 8% of the general youth population identify in this way. So the chances, if you adopted out of foster care or are currently a foster parent, the chances of you parenting a child that identifies as LGBTQ is very high. And then I want to bring your attention down to the blue and green chart, and this chart is actually from the 2022 National Survey on -- or sorry, the 2020 National survey, but it showed that children who have experienced foster care are way more likely to be either kicked out of their home, abandoned or running away from their caregiver. You can look at all LGBTQ youth, at 8% of children who have experienced abandonment or running away or kicking, being kicked out, eight percent for general population of youth, and 27% for LGBTQ kids who have experienced foster care. Again, that's, to me, those numbers just seem... it's huge. There's, it's, it's almost, I can't, I don't even have words to describe how, what those numbers mean to me because that's just a significant amount of children. And the rates of suicide in the past year and last year, 2022, 45% of LGBTQ kids considered suicide in 2022. All that to me just screams, they need support. They need a community of people around them. And that's who we are, and we can be that for them. ::Slide - # Support:: So, how do we support them? I, maybe you are here today because your child has opened up to you about being LGBTQ. You might just think, may suspect that maybe they want to be, or you want to be an ally, a support to the people around you. So what do we do now? Many parents who are faced with their child being LGBTQ don't know how to react. They might just feel scared. They love their kid, but they don't know how the society is going to respond to them, which is very scary, the world is a scary place. Um. You might not want to encourage their non-conforming identity, but don't want to push them away. So how do you navigate these treacherous waters? The fear of how other people are going to respond to your child's identity can lead to you unintentionally sending a negative message by saying things like, "Can you tone down that whatever, that XYZ behavior," or "Do you really have to wear those clothes when we go to dinner with the family?" All of those seem innocent, they're kind of just off the cuff responses. But what a youth hears when we say things like that are rejection of who they are, and really, most of the time when parents are saying things like that, they're using those phrases to mask their own anxiety and their own fear about what could happen to their child in a hostile world. Once you start to understand how your words and actions have a powerful impact on your child, you can start to work through your own fears and your own anxieties. Behaviors like talking to your child about their identity and expressing affection through language and actions can help protect protect your child against suicide, STIs, and other health problems. I've also worked with families that are very comfortable with the support aspect, but they're not really sure what their child needs. Do they start dressing in all Pride apparel and plaster flags throughout their home? To that my answer is, you probably don't need to do all that. I personally don't think it's necessary for you to develop a total identity based on who your child is and how they express themselves. You don't need to be an expert in all things LGBTQ to let them know that you care. I do think it's necessary to talk to them and ask them what they need, or what they would like to see in your family. Supportive parents and families can help build self-esteem, a positive sense of self in your child and in your teen, and you can help your child learn positive coping skills and how to deal with discriminations from others. They will have greater well-being and are better adjusted than those whose parents do not support them or support their gender expression. And so, here just some, a very quick kind of bullet point list of things that are ways that we can support our child, and we're going to touch on each of these kind of throughout our conversation. ::Slide - Frequently Asked Questions:: Some frequently asked questions that I've come across: "My child is too young to date. How can they possibly know what their sexual orientation is?" I think that this one, it's really easy to think there's no way they can know, they haven't had sex. They haven't been on a date. They're just, they don't have the experience or, you know, life experience to know. The reality is, sexual or romantic experiences are not necessary to understand one's attraction to other people. Just like what they talked about in the video, think back to your first crush. It might have been, you know elementary school. It was probably well before you actually went on your first date. Kids know who they are, and as our parents, it's our job to lead with love, listen, and to support them. And then, very important, to find support for yourself is -- if acceptance is in any way a struggle for you. The next question, "Is this a phase? Are they going to grow out of it?" So a person's gender identity gender expression and sexual orientation might evolve over time. This is a process that we often refer to as questioning. These characteristics are not changeable through things like conversion therapy, talk therapy, or for faith-based people, you can't change it by praying. When a young person is questioning the process or figuring out who they are, the most important thing for us to do as parents, is to communicate that we love them, we are grateful for them for letting us know, and that you'll be there for them as they figure out whom they love and who they are individuals. It is important to let them guide the conversation though, so it's not overwhelming for either one of you guys. "But what if I say the wrong thing?" This one. I want to set a baseline at some point, at some time, you are going to say the wrong thing. It's gonna happen. It's okay, and you're human, and we all do it. And this is probably new for them too. So if you do make a misstep, whether it's accidentally using an incorrect pronoun, or asking just kind of a weird question, just apologize and tell them that you're gonna work better to do -- work to do better next time. No one is perfect. And it's all in making the attempt that you show your love and your support for your child. So, "How do I respond when other people make jokes or speak negatively about LGBTQ individuals?" This one was a hard one for me kind of, you know, when I first started educating myself and learning because I could, you know, I can navigate what I say and what I do, but how am I gonna respond when other people say something negative or say something that's offensive? And then I realized that the best way to show our children that we have their back is to be open and direct when speaking with other people. If you have your child's permission to be out as the parent of an LGBTQ+ person, it's absolutely appropriate to say something like, "You know, I have LGBTQ relatives and friends, and when you make those jokes it hurts me. I don't appreciate your derogatory remarks or jokes that make fun of people that I love and care about," and then just end it. That's all it has to be. ::Incorporating Affirming Behaviors:: How do we incorporate affirming behaviors? As parents, we know getting your youth to openly communicate can be like pulling teeth sometimes. Well, it is important to let your child lead the conversation, and how much information is shared, and at what speed. You can't always rely on your youth to initiate these type of exchanges. Luckily, today's media provides plenty of teachable moments that we as parents can see, then utilize for our benefit. It might feel like a less personal way of going about the conversation, but it's an opportunity to broach sensitive topics in a way that's not so scary. So for example, you might be watching a movie and the movie has a bisexual character. You can spark the conversation by saying, "Hey, I noticed that so-and-so in this movie is attracted to both boys and girls, I think that's okay. But what do you think about it?" And then leave it open, let them express themselves at whatever level they feel comfortable with expressing. Learn the facts. There's a lot of misconceptions about LGBTQ youth that are just way too many to cover in our short session today, but I want to highlight on a couple. Conversion therapy is harmful. It's completely discredited and no child should ever be subjected to it. Also allowing trans youth to use names and pronouns in alignment with their gender identity is essential to helping these young people develop a sense of self-worth. Refusal to use a young person's chosen name or pronoun is rejection of that person. Finally, I also want to state that LGBTQ youths are not in any way a danger to children. LGBTQ people have the same protective capacities as any other individual on the planet. It's also to affirm your child by encouraging healthy relationships. Dating is a daunting and scary time for most parents, and this includes parents of LGBTQ kids. It's important, and like -- dating and relationship formation, all of this is an important part of adolescent development. So it's important that we encourage age-appropriate relationships by welcoming their LGBTQ friends or dates into your home. It's also important, don't have double standards for your LGBTQ child. The expectations around dating and relationships should be the same for each child in your family. And finally, be open to discussing things that might make you a little uncomfortable. Sexual education issues that are specific to your child's needs, such as STI transmittal through same sex and oral sex acts. Supporting their outward expression should again be the same for all children in your home. It's appropriate to have rules around clothing, or hairstyles, or jewelry, or makeup depending on the age of the child. It is not appropriate to have them dependent on gender or identity expression. And finally, most importantly, in all things that we do, respond with empathy and love. Like I said earlier, you might say something wrong. You might say something silly. But if they understand that you're still coming from a place of love and trying to understand, it's gonna make a positive impact for your child. The next thing I want to share is, it's a short video on a family that has had to navigate this and they share their, just their story, their experience of evolving and learning. ::Video - Greg & Lynn's Story:: [Video shows various scenes of Greg & Lynn doing household tasks in their home and being interviewed on their couch and shots of family photos] [Video plays] [Greg McDonald] We're Greg and Lynn McDonald, and we're from, actually from Michigan. We're high school sweethearts, got married right out of high school. Lynn was 18, I was 20, and that's [Greg] a long time ago. It's 37 years ago. [Lynn McDonald] I got pregnant and we had our daughter, and then a couple years later after that we had our son. And so I always dreamed of having a family. I wanted, I wanted a boy, a girl, the white picket fence, the dog. I wanted the whole kit and kaboodle. [Greg] I met with a good friend of mine who's a pastor every Friday for lunch, kind of an accountability relationship, and he had told me he was brokenhearted. He had just found out that his son was accessing pornography on the family computer. And I remember going home and thinking boy, I gotta check out our computer. And sure enough, our son was accessing porn on the computer as well, except it was gay porn. We had dinner with our son and I had shared with him what I had uncovered. His immediate response was, "I've always dreaded this day." He was, you know, crushed with, I don't know if it was embarrassment? It was very difficult for him. It was difficult for us, and every day you'd wake up -- and that's if you could sleep, and when you woke up you felt like you're living this horrible dream. And then all of a sudden the society I lived in took on a whole different look. Now I heard all these gay jokes being told at lunch, you know, and I, I used to, I saw TV differently, you know, and it was just, it was very almost surreal to go through those days. [Lynn] There were a lot of questions that that came to mind, questioning myself as a mother, questioning my husband as a father. Are we going to lose our friends? Are we gonna be able to attend the same church that we've been attending? I was frightened. I was frightened that if I was gonna If I chose to love my son, does that mean that I'm gonna have to abandon God because of just how I was raised, very conservatively, and how verses of the Bible were, were taught to me. I was more concerned about myself than I was even my child. [Greg] Early on, our direction to Greg and our first conversation was, "Though we'll never stop loving you, like, we need to get you fixed." So starting with ourself, the messages that we were enforcing were pretty negative for the relationship. So when Greg went off to school, it actually took the tension way down. We continued to stay really close to Greg. Even when he was in New York or Chicago. You know, we'd we'd travel frequently to go see him, made a point to not only hang out with him, but with his friends. I actually think it was those times where the relationship really started to take hold again, you know, we became friends with literally dozens of gay folks around, now they're around the country because they've grown up and they've got jobs and they're all over the place. But I would routinely ask a lot of the same questions, you know, so like, "When did you decide to be gay?" And I've never had anybody explain, "Oh, well that was on such and such a date." They all say, "Are you crazy? Like who would ever pick this lifestyle?" And asking them, you know, what are the greatest hurts and always, always, it's either family members, you know, a mom saying "Get out of my house, I never want to see you again," or in most cases, it's the church. Which is a huge ache for us, you know, because we're concerned about their souls, and here they've been, you know, pushed away. I think we reached a point with our relationship with Greg where we felt comfortable enough and confident enough where I was totally fine strapping a bullseye on my chest and saying, "Have at it." [Lynn] And so, I think that was a turning point for me. That was a turning point that, okay, it's not the life that I wanted, and you know, when I first got married, but that God was in it. And that God was orchestrating this. And it was gonna be okay. [Greg] You know, today we're not we're not interested in trying to change people. We're just interested in trying to love 'em. And early on, that wasn't necessarily the case. I'd say today, we're really attempting to be focused on loving the people God puts in our path. So whether it's, you know, a gay man in Chicago who's being prepped for back surgery. He had been kicked out of his house and he calls us and says, "Would you pray with me?" If you don't have a relationship, you don't have to worry about having those, those opportunities. If you have a relationship, then you have these incredible opportunities to speak truth into people's life. It's a lot freer for us. And again, as life happens, we find that we become sure footing for somebody who's in the midst of a trial. [Video ends] [Kelley] So that video's heavy and I've watched it a couple times and it still gets me, and so I want to take a minute just to talk about any feelings. Feel free to to put any responses in the chat, and if anyone wants to share just what their thoughts are after watching that video. I can't see the chat but I didn't get any pop-ups. Tammera, you, can you watch just to see if anything is brought up in the chat? [Tammera] Yes, I can. [reading] Lacey said that she loved the shift to we're just here loving on, and being supporting, and being a support to others. [Bonni] I was going to share, Kelley, that I think the most powerful aspect of that video is the vulnerability of, you know, that these parents walked through so many of the, they walked through the journey, they felt the feelings, but now they're they're willing -- the moment, I think that got me was, whenever he's, the dad said, "I was willing to strap a bull's eye on my chest," and you know. Like just that, that turning point and him being, both mom and dad being willing to be vulnerable and say "I made a lot of mistakes, I said really dumb things, you know, I asked them questions, but now we have this really awesome relationship." And so I love how it encompasses so much of what you've just shared of, you're gonna make mistakes, you know, you're gonna say dumb things, but having, overall, that empathy and love, and the long-term commitment to, "This is my child. I will do what I need to do to protect and love them." And yeah, it's just a, it's a great story. Thank you. [Kelley] Yeah. So I'm gonna take a second to catch my breath after that one, because it does it gets me in my feelings every time. So, but we can use that, we can use that emotion to drive us, to drive us into advocacy, which is the next thing we're going to talk about. ::Slide - Incorporating Advocacy:: So incorporating advocacy in our day-to-day lives, how do we go about doing that? And a key, like an important part of advocacy is affirming medical care. So affirming medical care is something that's often overlooked. You and your child need to be able to have honest conversations regarding your child's health with a provider that's understanding and empathetic to your child's individual and unique needs. LGBTQ medical care is not all about hormone medication or reassignment surgeries. It could also be about their sexual health, it could be about menstrual cycles or sexual organ development, and general mental and behavioral health conversations. In the Trevor Project survey that we discussed early in our -- when we were talking about the statistics, it stated 45% of youth who wanted mental health services didn't let anyone know that they wanted help, mental health services, because they were concerned about how their parent would respond to their request. So they wanted it, they just felt uncomfortable expressing the desire for mental health services. It's important to stay involved with the school. And there's a lot of different ways that we can go about that. You can advocate for a Gay- Straight Alliance which has been shown to make schools just a general, more accepting and safer environment, and boost academic performances against LGB -- amongst LGBTQ students. It's important to maintain frequent contact with your teachers. That way you'll know early when any issues arise, and above all else don't hesitate to speak up. If there's a problem and the school isn't taking your concerns seriously, go to the principal or even the school board if you have to, but allow your voice to be heard, and if your child's comfortable, then their voice to be heard as well. Looking out for bullying. That's something that even the most attuned, open, communicative parents can sometimes miss, but we can watch for the signs. So watching for behavior changes, like your once outgoing and very sociable child is now withdrawn, discipline or new behavioral problems in school, declining grades, unexpected absences, sudden shifts in like, who the friend groups are, and suddenly engaging in more risky behaviors, such as new sexual partners or drug use. Now, some of these things are just associated with being a teenager. Just, growing up and adolescence and puberty and all of that, but there are things that you can just ask follow-up questions on, see if there's underlying factors or more to it than it just being adolescence. Boundaries. This is often one of the hardest areas for parents of LGBTQ children. It can be easier to do with just general community, but how do we establish and maintain boundaries around respect for your child when it comes to family, or very close friends, or even your faith community, who may have strong opinions about your child's identity. It's important to remember that opinions are just that -- they're just opinions, and everyone is entitled to them. It's not our job as a parent to change anyone else's opinions or beliefs. It is our job to establish boundaries that are safe and in your child well-being. One way to do this is to insist on only positive interactions with your child. It may be appropriate to speak to the individual that has very strong opinions on -- one-on-one without your child present, if you think that their response could be outright negative towards your child. Be very clear with the individual, or the group, or you know, the family member, and then give them time to sit on it and to think about it. The choice needs to be theirs, whether or not they're going to respect the boundary. If they can't agree to only having positive interactions with your child, then they can no longer have access to your child. If they push back, just go back around to your ground rule: only positive interactions are allowed with my child. They are allowed to have their opinions. But anything less than loving kindness and respect for your child won't be tolerated. There is, of course, the unfortunate scenario in which the individual will not accept your child for who they are. In that case, you can assure your child that while they are very much loved, not all adults get it. They don't understand when it comes to gender identity and expression. If the child is old enough to understand, you can give them the option if they want to continue interactions with that person or not. If the child is young or is uncomfortable with continued contact with that individual, you can explain that -- for now -- you think it's important to wait to be around the other person until the other person can better understand. No matter how it plays out with any other family member, continue to invite them along in your child's journey. You can -- from a distance. You can suggest websites. You can send them articles or resource books on raising a healthy, gender non-conforming child. But keep in mind you are your child's greatest advocate. You can draw strength from knowing that you are supporting them. Show your child that how they feel and what they say matters and they're counting on you to hear them and to take action. Finally, don't hesitate to ask your child what they need from you and they very well may say I don't need okay. Just ask again later. ::Slide - Questions?:: So I want to open up the ground just for any questions. We covered some of these that I've routinely come across or had discussions with families, but I'd like to know if anyone has any additional questions at this time, or just, keep in mind confidentiality. But if there's anything like, "This is what I've heard," or "This is what I've come across," and want to discuss it. [Tammera] You can either unmute yourselves, or you can put them in the chat. [Kelley] Well, while people are thinking or typing, and feel free to interrupt me if you, if you have a question, but we are gonna go, we have a couple minutes left. ::Slide - National Supports:: So I wanted to talk about supports. Um. There are several national supports: The Trevor Project, which is where I gather a lot of my data and my information from, they also offer some crisis services. So they have a text crisis response unit is where, as well as, you can call them. You can chat with them on the computer. They have all kinds of crisis intervention supports. The next one The Validation Station, this one, I mean, it's not might not be a good word, but I just think it's cute. They, I want to sign up for it. They they send you daily affirming text messages and sometimes it's, you know might just be in passing, but I think we've all had that day where we're just struggling and just not feeling it, and then you get kind of a happy message, or you get something that you weren't necessarily thinking about, and it pops up and you're just like "Yeah, I needed that. I needed that in that moment." And that's what that, The Validation Station can do. The LGBTQ National Health Center, they have a virtual peer support group. Again, it's a lot based on chat. The Human Rights Campaign, they are, they're more of an advocacy unit. But if you're at all interested, I highly suggest that you just look into them and support them, if you can, through their advocacy endeavors ::Slide - Oklahoma Supports:: And then locally, we do have some kind of more personal local supports in our area. So, up in Tulsa, There's OkEq. They have a support group. For Diversity Family Health, they are, along with many others, but they are an affirming healthcare provider. And Central OKC Kaleidoscope, they have a support group for both LGBTQ kids and family members. Q Space is really cool. They are in OKC and Norman, and they have an in-person support group every week. They also have a support group for older kids. So 18 to 25, I believe 24 or 25. I didn't include them since today we're talking about youth, but they, they do have young adults as well. Free Mom Hugs, it was founded by a woman here in Oklahoma. Same thing with Free Dad Hugs, and there, they ha-- there's a chapter in Tulsa, there's a chapter in Oklahoma City, but they, they're kind of, they're a grassroots organization and they are awesome. The Diversity Center in Oklahoma City, they have a health clinic, they have therapy services that they, if that's something that your child or your family is needing. And then Freedom Oklahoma, they are also an advocacy group. And then our lovely Gender Unicorn. So, this isn't necessarily a support, but it is a tool that could be helpful if you need it. Mainly, well, I was about to say mainly for younger kids, but I happen to know teenagers who would love this. So, this is widely available on the internet, and and it comes as a coloring sheet, and it's a way to just start a conversation. It doesn't matter, you know, this represents straight, bisexual, transgender, gay, anything. So you can provide it to a child and let them color, let them pick, and then they can use this to just start a conversation, or to ask questions. And I love it because you can use it with, you know, anyone who can hold a crayon all the way up to, I don't know, anybody. Across all ages. That is all I have for us today. ::Attendees visible:: Thank you guys for coming, now I can see the chat. So let me see if we have any any questions. [Bonni] Kelley, you have lots of good comments throughout, when you were saying things. I know I myself put a couple quotes directly from what you were sharing that I thought was really important and critical. And I just, I'm so grateful. Thank you so much for this work of what you've put together. You've put together some really good information to help everyone understand all the definitions, because there's lots of different words that you know, that if you, if you weren't taught those things or you don't know what those mean, then it can get really confusing. And so I think understanding, the video at the beginning did a really good job of just defining. And then I really appreciate how you identified that that it's true in, in our research, and in the data that we have, that we know that there there is a higher number, a higher number of our kiddos and foster care and adoption who identify in the LGBTQ group. So I'm just, this is something that's really, really appropriate and really important in post- adoption, and then understanding how can we, as as this group of professionals and people who are wanting to, and parents who are wanting to, support each other for our kids as they continue to grow; it's a lifelong process. So being able to provide all those wonderful supports both local and national? Man. Those are some really important slides. And this, this has been recorded and will be loaded on to the Oklahoma Adoption Competency Network website at the OKFosters. So you will be able to access this video, see those slides again if you need to, to jot down if you didn't get a chance to jot down all of those supports, the support information, but also I'm gonna put, I'm gonna go ahead and put my email in the chat. You can reach out to me and I can get you to Kelley if you have any specific questions for her. Thank you Tammera, put the QR code for that website that I was just mentioning about, the Oklahoma Adoption Competency Network. We've got lots of wonderful events like this. Next week, we have another one that's the Part Two of Behind the Behavior. One of our other clinical social workers from our post-adopt team is going to be presenting how, what then to do. The first part was about the impact of trauma on the brain, and this second part is, what does that mean for parents? And for those who are supporting and walking alongside kids. So she'll have some great resources and information as well. We also have, next Friday is the first session of our next book club. It's we're reading Beneath The Mask: Understanding Adopted Teens. Which, I'm like, anything that says "Understanding Teens" sounds like an interesting thing to me, so you're more than welcome. You can find all of those links -- the book club you register for ahead of time, everything else, there's a link directly to the meeting on that OACN web page. Alright any other final questions or thoughts? Thank you again, Kelley, so very much. It was wonderful. [Kelley] Thank you.