Lunch and Learn: Life Books --- KELLEY IVEY: Hello. I want to welcome everyone today to our Lunch and Learn. This Lunch and Learn is being brought to you by a collaboration between Oklahoma Human Services, University of Oklahoma Anne and Henry Zarrow School of Social Work, and the Oklahoma Adoption Competency Network. We appreciate everyone joining during your lunch or noon hour. We want to get started so we can make sure to respect everyone's time and the great information being discussed today. First, let's go over a few housekeeping things for our time together this afternoon. We are recording this meeting, so by participating you are giving your consent to be recorded. Please help us reduce distractions so we can all focus and participate. We have everyone muted in order to make it possible for everyone to hear the speakers. But we do want you to express your thoughts and questions. Please utilize the chat for this purpose. We'll monitor the chat and questions will be touched upon during our question and answer section the last 15 minutes of this webinar. We do want to see you. So if you're willing and you're able, please turn your video on. If you're unable to do so, that's fine also. If you would like to receive more information about other post adoption events, please post your name and email in the chat and we'll make sure to include you in our contact list. Remember confidentiality. It is vital that we protect confidential information so we will not share specifics such as names or case details about any adoption cases, people or children. By attending this training you will receive one hour of credit if you are a current foster home. If you need that, please indicate in the chat and we will send you your certificate. Now I hand everything over to Lacey Sorrels. She is one of our post adoption social workers today and I will let her begin. LACEY SORRELS: Thanks, Kelly. So I'm just going to go ahead and share my screen real quick. [Slide: Life Books The Power of a Child's Story] LACEY: Okay, so for today's Lunch and Learn, we're going to be talking about Life Books. Life books are one of my favorite things. I'm a scrapbooker at heart. And it's just really so much fun and really has so much value for our kiddos. [Slide: Today's Goals] So these are some of today's goals. So we'll be talking about what is a Life Book? We're going to be exploring loss that is a byproduct of having an adoption. We're going to talk about what should or can be included in a Life Book, how to utilize different inclusions to really just paint a whole picture of the kiddo's story. We'll talk about the benefits of Life Books, how to engage your kiddo in the creation of their book. How Life Books can be incorporated into therapy. We'll share some similar alternative ideas, but if you don't necessarily want to do a book form some other things that you could do in place of it. And then finally, we'll talk about what it means to be the keeper of the story. [Slide: What Is a Life Book?] So a Life Book is a compilation of information, photographs, drawings, artwork, stories, and so much more to be able to tell the story of a child's life and experiences. So we're going to watch this quick video of what is a Life Book? [VIDEO] [Music plays over an image of a child divided into puzzle pieces. Some pieces are blacked out or missing, rendering the photo incomplete.] CHILD 1: And I wonder what happened to my brother. CHILD 2: What does my mom look like? CHILD 3: I worry about how my mom is doing. CHILD 4: Mrs. John was the best foster mom I ever had. Why couldn't I stay with her? CHILD 5: Nobody ever told me why I had to leave home. [Card: How do we help kids in foster care put the pieces together?] NARRATOR: In a nurturing family, children's histories are collected and held by the people who love them. Birth certificates. Baby pictures. Developmental milestones, report cards, awards. [Footage of Jim Gora, an adoptee and now an adult, holding a baby and flipping through a book of photos.] NARRATOR: All these and someone to review and amend the story as the child grows are part of the child's inheritance. And long after children leave the nest, the family is the keeper of these important artifacts and stories. But for children in the foster care system, the story is often fragmented. Many people collect memories and mementos or fail to. Important elements are scattered or lost. There is no keeper of the story. The child in foster care is often left with fantasy, misinformation, and partial answers to the questions: Who am I and where have I been? The ability to make meaning of one's life. To put the pieces together in a logical, consistent narrative that acknowledges difficulty as well as growth and change, is the essence of mental health. A fundamental tool for helping children achieve this kind of personal narrative is the Life Book. [Shots of various letters, photos, drawings, programs, and other keepsakes. A family jumping rope together. A mother looks through a life book with her sons.] [Card: A Lifebook is not: - A photo album - A scrapbook - A record of only happy memories] NARRATOR: Before we talk about what a Life Book is, let's consider what it is not. A Life Book is not merely a photo album. These are eagerly shared. A Life Book is private. Scrapbooks may contain only pictures or artwork. A Life Book revolves around explanation. Photo albums and scrapbooks usually focus on happy events or memories. Life Books contain hard truths as well as good things. A Life Book is a tangible, chronological, and evolving record of the child's life, but it is more than pictures and facts. A Life Book helps children work through the losses and difficulties in their lives. To celebrate their strengths and to continue to develop a positive sense of self as they grow. Life Book work is a path to memory, to re-interpretation and to understanding. [A little girl coloring with her chin on the table. A woman writing a description of a photo of the same girl in a ballet costume. Return to the photo of the child with puzzle pieces missing.] [VIDEO ENDS] LACEY: So I love how that video, kind of showed the illustration of the puzzle pieces coming together to create that whole picture of the child. And I think that's a great representation of really what that Life Book seeks to do. [Slide: Why Life Books?] LACEY: So why Life Books? Life Books are child-focused and available to the child at any age. So this can really be tailored to whether you have a toddler or you have an adolescent child. Whatever their development or readiness for information is, you can add that amount of information to the book at that time. And it doesn't have to be something that you make one time. It's something that you add to over the years of the child's life, and that continues to grow with them. It provides a child's history in a more kid-friendly and approachable way. It can be done either at home or with a therapist. So I highly encourage these to be done at home with parents and within families because there's just such value and so many benefits to doing that. But if there are pieces of it, that you're unsure how to approach, absolutely include your therapist in that process and they can help with that. It also allows kids and teenagers to express themselves creatively and connect with their past, present, and future. And finally, it helps kiddos to understand how they fit in with their birth family and their adoptive family. It really just brings it all together to create a sense of belonging and to help their, help them discover their identity. That's really rooted in both families. [Slide: Benefits Continued...] LACEY: The kiddo can start processing their story as they grow instead of a big dump of information all at once in adolescence. However, we know that some families may not have that opportunity. We have kiddos that are adopted at an older age. Or you have a kiddo later in life. You just don't have that opportunity to build it from a young age. And you can still do this. You can still build the book, and you can start from their early ages and add a little bit to it at a time and process a little bit at a time. That way, it's still not just a large amount of information for the kiddo to absorb at one time. [Slide: The Power of Story] LACEY: So this is a quote from The Power of Story, which is an agency that actually does like professional Life Book services. And they said that, "Research shows that understanding your past is the key to achieving a clear sense of identity, security, and even placement and family stability." [Slide: When is the Right Time?] LACEY: So when is the right time for a Life Book? As soon as possible. And there's never really a wrong time for a Life Book. You can turn creating this resource into an opportunity to grow your relationship with the child and to learn more about each other. It helps build stronger bonds within the family. Helps build trust. You can learn intimate details about each other. So as the kiddos are sharing things that they want to put in the book, sharing stories about their early childhood, that could be a really great time for you as the parent or professional to share some experiences of your own. And to be able to bond with the child over those shared experiences. You can also discuss the future together. So one aspect of the Life Book that we'll talk about a little bit later, is including goals or dreams for the future. [Slide: What to Include?] LACEY: So what things to include? So I'm going to add a bunch of little circles to the screen here. And these are just broad categories. And we're going to talk more specifically about what things might be included in each section after this. So birth information, information about the birth family, information about the kiddo's early childhood experiences, information about their foster care experience, details of the adoption day, information about the adoptive family, and their school years information. And then to be included with all of these sections, I feel like it's really important to make sure we're adding milestones, stories, and photos. In addition to whatever information, information, pieces or additions the kiddo wants to add, stories, photos, and milestones should really be included in each section where possible. [Slide: Birth Information] LACEY: And you don't have to do all of these sections. These are just some ideas of things you can include. So as I go through all of these sections one by one, if you have any additional ideas of things that could go in this section, I really want this to kind of be a collaborative approach. So add those in the chat box. And at the end of each page, if there's anything been added. I'll just share that with the group. So we all have that. So things that could go in the birth information section are: hospital name, measurements, time of birth. Fun facts about what was happening in the world that day. So if you go to Google and just enter a search, for, you know, "What was the weather like on June 7th, 1994?" There are multiple websites that you can bring up that will show what the weather was, who the president was, world events, famous people born that day. And that's something you can include the kiddo on in helping pick what fun details they would like to add to that information. Hospital items such as a newborn footprint or nursery bracelet and a copy of their original birth certificate. So we know when kiddos are adopted, they are sent a new birth certificate that have the adoptive families name and information on it. This is just a way to include, that original information so that they're able to look back at that. And look at those details. We also know that most of this information and items may not be available for every family. If you have access to these things, they're really great to include, but it's not always going to be applicable to every family. So I don't see any ideas in the chat for anything additional to include in this section. [Slide: Birth Family Image of a girl holding up a sign that says, "Where did I come from? Who do I look like?"] LACEY: So for the birth family section, parents and extended family names and demographic information, family medical history, sibling information, fun information about the parents such as likes or dislikes. And this may take a little bit of like creative research. So for example, you may have to go to Facebook and scroll through their posts and maybe they post about going to the lake sometimes, or maybe they post about getting a Sonic Coke every day. These are random little details, but these little details can really add a personality or a personable, experience to just a name on a paper. And really make it feel more like a family member than just a name. Also, information about family traditions or other cultural or religious information. [Slide: Early Childhood] LACEY: So early childhood experiences. So a major milestone, such as first words, first time they rode a bike, the age they first walked, art projects that they may have done as a small child, and then any birthday party themes or birthday cards, really, anything from those early childhood years that you can think of that might be valuable for them to be able to remember. [Slide: Time in Foster Care] LACEY: Their time in foster care. This is where a little bit more of the, some of the difficult information could come in. Because we really want to talk about all of these positive experiences and memories, but we also want to make sure that kiddos have access to appropriate information about what their experience was really like. So the reasons for entering foster care. Now, this is going to be one that you're going to really tailor to the child's age. So maybe if you have a toddler and you want to start building this, maybe in the toddler book you would put, mom was unwell or she was unhealthy and was not able to take care of you. But as they get a little older, maybe we add some additional details to that. By the time they're adolescents, they should really know all the information that you know about what was occurring in their family. And so as they get older, maybe you go back and add some to that section or change it and say, you know, maybe mom was using substances that made her very sick and she couldn't take care of you. And just changing the information to an age appropriate level. Also the timeline of events. And this could really be from, like, birth to the time they got to you. It could be just that, their time in foster care. Really, you can tailor this to whatever you want it to be for your kiddo. Other foster family information. So many times when we see kiddos in adoptive placements, that's usually not their first placement. Sometimes it is. But a lot of kiddos build really strong connections with other foster families, and maybe they just weren't in a place to adopt, or any other situation. So you might want to include information about those families. And again, remembering we're including any stories, photographs or milestones that occurred in each of these time sections of kiddo's life. You might include worker or agency names. So for our population of kiddos we work with, they were all in DHS custody in Oklahoma. But you might include maybe the county or a worker's name, or if there were multiple. It just gives a little bit more detail, and the kiddos may never do anything with that information, but it's just helpful to know some of those little details. And then also other important people in the kid's life. So did they attend church? Did they have, you know, a youth group? Did they have teachers or, you know, maybe counselors or others that were, valuable in their life during that time. So adding any, memories that those people might have of the kiddo or this is really a place that you can incorporate the kiddo a lot of times and have them draw a picture of their previous foster family, or include memories that they would like to add for their experiences. [Slide: Adoption Details] LACEY: So details about the actual adoption. So reasons why kiddo could not return home. Why was it that was adoption was the result of their time in foster care? This is a question that a lot of kiddos may understand why they came into DHS custody begin with, but they have no idea what happened that caused them to not be able to return home. And so this is a really popular question that we see a lot of kids struggling with, that would be very valuable information. Random details like the location, or that particular judge that completed the adoption. Who all was there on adoption day? So did I have biological family that was present? Was, extended adoptive family present? Maybe teachers or friends were able to come. Who all was there on this particular day? And then again, this is another place where you could add fun facts. About what about what was happening in the world on that particular day. And then lastly, and this gets a little bit more into that relationship piece, but maybe you have a journal entry or a note or something like that that you wrote around the time of adoption, that you would be willing to share with kiddos. A lot of times have kiddos that are questioning, you know, our intentions or things like that. And this could really just give a, a personal, intimate look at to what you were experiencing on that day as opposed to just the legal "you're adopted now." [Slide: Adoptive Family Image of a girl holding a sign that says, "Where do I belong?"] LACEY: And just like it's super important to add that information on the biological family. I feel like it's also really important to add the information about the adoptive family. Because we're really trying to create a space where we meld the two families together as this child's collective experience. So some information about the adoptive family. So obviously names and information about immediate family members. Maybe you add some favorite things about you. Maybe you add how did you and, your spouse meet if you're married? A lot of times we have families that in traditional families, those stories are just kind of passed down like, oh, I met dad on a roller coaster and we became best friends, and then we got married. But these kiddos don't have those stories to hold on to, so maybe those kind of things are something you include in their book so that they can learn what your family was like before you got before they got there. You could also put extended family member information, even if you don't spend much time with them. So maybe we have great Aunt Susie that lives in Florida. You may not talk to them a lot, or they may never meet them, but having that information about who that family is, is really helpful to having a sense of belonging. This is also a space that you could get kiddos involved. And you could do an art project of a family tree or anything like that to really figure out who all of this extended family is, that they now belong with. It also might be helpful to enter information about why you chose to adopt. So you could talk about why you chose to adopt in general and then what particularly about this kiddo did you really connect with? We have a lot of times where kiddos are, you know, wondering if you adopted just because you had to or if they really love you, you know, things like that, that obviously we know, are not necessarily accurate, but those are thoughts to go through a kiddos head. And we'll talk a little bit more about that later. So having that information about why you chose to adopt can eliminate some of those thoughts and wondering of the kiddo. [Slide: School] LACEY: So their school years, you can include art or other projects. You could include awards or certificates that they may have received in school, teacher names for each grade. It also might be helpful to include maybe all the different schools they went to. A lot of times kids that come from DHS custody had to switch schools at least once, if not a couple of times. And so it may be really helpful to include that information as well. Significant friends that they had, progress reports or report cards. And then any events that they encountered during their school years, like their first play, special dances, prom, completing the ACT. Any of those significant events and the school years are really another area that you can really incorporate kiddos in figuring out what it is that they would like to add, as their memories from these times. [Slide: Therapeutic Life Story Work] LACEY: So we're going to talk a little bit about therapeutic life story work and how some of these things can be incorporated into like a therapy type setting. So drawing pictures of the kiddo's younger self or their birth family, creating artwork about how they feel about their experiences, creating a dream board with goals or ideas for future, writing a letter to their younger selves, writing a letter to connections that they've lost, writing or drawing stories that they remember, or creating decorative timelines. And these are just a few examples of the many, many things that could be used. And while -- [Slide jumps forward] Oops! I went ahead too far. Let me just go back just a little bit. [Returns to Therapeutic Life Story Work slide] There we go. And so while these are all things that can be used in a therapy setting, these are all very well, things that you could do as at home as well. But some of these activities might evoke a little bit more emotion than some of the more just artistic or information pieces. And so really the idea of doing some of these things in a therapy setting, is that that the therapist could potentially help navigate some of these stories that parents either don't know how to discuss or may not feel comfortable discussing. And you use that Life Book really as a tool to kind of fuel that discussion. [Slide: Video - All About Me Creative Experiences] LACEY: So this is a really fun video, and I actually found it very interesting. In the United States, Ohio is the only state that requires every child that experiences adoption to have a Life Book. No other state in the United States currently requires that, but this is widespread across the United Kingdom. So this video is a little unique because it is based from the United Kingdom. So some of the words they say may be a little unfamiliar. For example, instead of caregiver or parent, they say "carer." And so some of it's a little unfamiliar, but you'll totally understand. But what I really appreciate about this video is that it really gives a great perspective from the kid's point of view, from the parent's point of view, from therapists' and social workers', point of view of how they're incorporating this work into this, into the kiddo's treatment and how they're using this story to really have some positive outcomes for kiddos. So I'm going to go ahead and play this one. [VIDEO] [Card: Creative Life Story Work This video is a "Draw My Life" type video that has a hand illustrating the things said by interviewees. All descriptions are of what the hand is drawing in black pen.] [Music] REBECCA (Therapeutic Social Worker, Darlington): I think when we're working with care-experienced children and young people, we have to think very carefully about what power we have over their stories. [Book with the title "Their Stories." The word "Power" with arrows pointing to the book's title.] SUZIE (Family Support Worker, South Tyneside): An All About Me Creative Experience brings children, young people and their carers together to do creative and fun activities that focus on the child's identity, their feelings, and who and what is important to them. [Sign with "All About Me" and "Creative Experiences" underneath it. Group of people circled twice. The words "Identity, Feeling, What's Important" beside them. Arrows from the family to "To them" to "Important."] JOANNE (Head of Service, Darlington): The children and young people we're involved with are able to engage in life story work in a way they have never done before. ["Never Ever Before" with accent marks around the words in a circle.] BEN (Service Manager, Gateshead): Life story work traditionally has very much been an activity that is done to young people. I think creative life story work is an opportunity for the young person to be part of that exploration and part of that journey. [Scroll with "Tradition" written at the top. An arrow points downward on the scroll to the phrase, "Done 'to' Young People." The scroll is crossed out and "Opportunity" is written beside it with a cloud shape surrounding it. And arrow is drawn down from the circled family to the Opportunity cloud.] SUZY (Therapetutic Social Worker, Gateshead): By making, drawing, creating and writing, the child is then able to build their own life story. [Pencil, chisel, squiggles, cup shape, open box, more squiggles. Bricks that read "Build Your Own" with "Life Story!" beside them.] ALISON (Family Worker, South Tyneside): In my view, the role of the artist is fundamental to the core of the process. And for me, without the artist, the project just wouldn't happen. [Arrow with "Role of the Artist" pointing left to "Fundamental" with accent marks around it in a circle. "Core" with a box around it, then more art supplies: pencil, chisel, paintbrush. "Artist=Project" with an X drawn over both "Artist" and "Project"] LIZ (Foster Carer, Gateshead): Besides being an artist, as in, you know, the general term that he can paint and draw and create things. He's just got this persona about him that just fills the room. And it doesn't matter if you brought the most miserable person onto the session, I'm sure they'd go out smiling at the end of it. [Box with "Persona" in the middle and arrows pointing to the outer corners of the box. A smiley face beside the persona box.] DAN (Young Person, Gateshead): My artist was Pady. It was so funny because Liz liked doing the art stuff and I like chatting to Pady. We made a good team. We explored memories and how I felt. I understand things better when I match colors to my memories. I like black. Black is for night skies and the smell of bonfires. I like that. [Nametag that says, "Hello, my name is... Pady." Banner reading "Team" below it. Arrow from the smiling face to a cloud that says, "Memories" with stars around it.] LIZ (Foster Carer, Gateshead): Michelle, who I'm working with at the moment with our foster daughter, she's so sweet and pleasant and she's got such amazing creative ideas. [Name tag that says, "Hello my name is... Michelle (Artist)." The word "Amazing" with large exclamatory accents around it.] MICHELLE (Associate Artist): I think my role as an artist is to use my training in Life Story work and in social pedagogy, to design creative ideas and experiences for children and young people to use to help them explore their life stories alongside their carer. [Book with "Training Manual" on the cover."Life Story Work & Social Pedagogy" beside it. Three circles linked together with a "P" in each and a triangle above them. A large hand and a smaller one beside each other, joined with a plus sign.] JOANNE (Head of Service, Darlington): Before the start of the sessions, each child received a box from their chosen artist with all the material they needed to engage in the activities in each session. [Box with "Special Delivery" written on one side. "Materials," "Hello!" and "From your artist..." with arrows pointing to the box. Pencils, pens, packages of clay, markers, blocks of plasticine. "Beautiful Pens!! (Essential!)" with an arrow pointing to the pens.] LIZ (Foster Carer, Gateshead): There was things like clay in them, plasticine and masks and glue, beautiful quality pens and these things are always put back really nicely in their box so that they're there to use long after the sessions going forward. REBECCA (Therapeutic Social Worker, Darlington): It enables a therapeutic space to process some of those things that have happened in, in the child's life previously. I think we're very aware that this is the start of a process which for many children, would need more than these six sessions. ["The START" in a box with "of the process" and a checkmark below it.] SUZY (Therapeutic Social Worker, Gateshead): My role extends to providing therapeutic interventions outside the group sessions, to those who might have experienced any emotional difficulties as a result of beginning to look at their life story. ["Group Sessions" in a circle with arrows pointing off of it in different directions. One arrow points to "Interventions," which points to "Needed... From beginning to see (represented by an eye) --> Life Story.] LIZ (Foster Carer, Gateshead): It's been really good because I did need to speak to Suzy outside of some of the sessions, and both me and my husband came on. We had a video chat with her to, you know, there was no rush. We had about an hour and a half together and we did explore some things. [Computer with speech bubble that says, "Speak to Suzy." Other speech bubbles that read, "I'm feeling unsure..." "Very wary" "Emotional Experience"] SUZY (Therapeutic Social Worker, Gateshead): I think people can be very wary of trying something new, especially if that something might be a difficult or, you know, emotionally painful experience, which is totally understandable. LIZ (Foster Carer, Gateshead): Life is busy. You know, there's a lot to fit in with all the after school clubs, the dance things that we do, the theater work. And I was thinking, where do we find these hours to fit in? And actually, you know, something? It's really easy to fit in. [Weeklong calendar with the word "BUSY" written in large letters over Monday through Friday. Question mark and smiley face beside the calendar. "Fits in!" with an arrow pointing to the calendar.] REBECCA (Therapeutic Social Worker, Darlington): I know how difficult it is being an assessment social worker or child protection social worker, and having lots of reports to write and being able to work creatively is really challenging under those circumstances. So for me, there's a bigger question in terms of how we can really support creative interventions throughout children's services. [Hanging sign with "Difficult" on it. "Creative Interventions" with arrows pointing to the sign and question marks all around both.] JOANNE (Head of Service, Darlington): What do I hope for the future of All About Me? Well, I hope that all children, young people that were involved with have the opportunity to engage in All About Me sessions and that these sessions enable our children and young people to understand who they are today, explore what's happening right now, and tell us their hopes and dreams for the future. [Banner with "The Future" and an arrow pointing to a sign that says, "ALL" which points to "Children and young people" and a clipboard reading, "Who I am. What's happening." Postcards that say, "My hopes" and "My dreams."] ALISON (Family Worker, South Tyneside): It allows them to put the past in the past, sort out the memories, make sense of them, and help them to move on. I think it's helped the carers. They watch the children bloom. They learn their coping strategies. They support each other. [Jars with labels reading "My Memories" and "My Past." A plant growing from seed in a cup. The seed packet says "How to grow...." on it] LIZ (Foster Carer, Gateshead): When they say it's all about the child, it's not because our experience is: it's about the carer and the child and it just gives a new angle to our relationship because we're learning about each other together. [Book titled "All About Me" with arrows pointing to it that read, "Child/young person & Carer. "Learning Together" with a box around it.] ALISON (Family Worker, South Tyneside): It's been mind-blowing, amazing and awe inspiring for me. I just love it. I just love it. Those artists are totally, totally unique and they really can do that job. I think if the artist were to change to in-house staff, I would worry about the staying power and the concentration and the engagement of the children. I would like to see it embedded in social care and health. I think it's the tool that's been missing all these years. [Lots of hearts of various sizes. "Embeded in Social Care and Health" leading to a speech bubble that says, "Missing all these years."] BEN (Service Manager, Gateshead): Children who are care-experienced have lots and lots of changes of foster care sometimes, or of placements, and they have lots of different social workers. And what tends to get lost sometimes for some young people is their, their story and their journey. [Storybook with "Once upon a time..." on the cover.[ REBECCA (Therapeutic Social Worker, Darlington): For me, the program sends a message to our children and young people that we really care about them. SUZY: You are valued. You are worthy. And you can create beautiful things. REBECCA: That's so important for care-experienced children and young people. [Postcards that say, "We care x" and "You are worthy."] [Card: With thanks to everyone who shared their stories and made it possible to make this video.] [VIDEO ENDS] LACEY: So that's a really unique way that across the United Kingdom, they're doing, some Life Book work in therapy sessions. I mean, they call their therapist the artist because they're kind of doing some art therapy and some creative things with the kiddos. So if you'll just drop in the chat box, what things, or what in that video stood out to you as significant? One of the things that I noticed in the video that I've never heard before, and it was very, refreshing to me, is they talked about the kiddos as "care-experienced children" as opposed to, like, "foster kids" or "adoptive kids." And I just love that language. Like, it just sounds so friendly. It's a thing that they have experienced, not a thing that they are. And so that really stood out to me. Lots of great things there. But that was kind of one of the things that was most significant. [Slides: Other Creative Ideas] LACEY: So some other creative ideas. So the first two we're going to talk about are kind of things to do in addition to a Life Book. And then the last two are kind of some alternatives you could do in place of a physical Life Book. So the first two things... actually we are going to go back just a second. So Alisha said in the chat, I liked your comprehensive this Life Book process was. It wasn't a singular person who was working towards that common goal. And that's so great because it really does take a team. Sometimes we don't have that whole team, but when you do have that availability, that's just all the more pieces of kiddo's story that can be included. So I love that also. So a birth family email and an adoptive family email. So you may have heard of this before. In the kind of the sense of, like a biological family. Sometimes we'll do this with the newborn baby, etc., but for the birth family email, this isn't necessarily intended as a way for family and kiddo to communicate, but more as a way to preserve, family details and memories and photos and that kind of thing. So essentially, you would set up an email, and provide that email address to, you know, birth parents, extended family members as a way for them to have somewhere to send, maybe they send memories, maybe they send life updates, maybe they send photographs. But they can just send all the things that they want to send, you know, over time to that email. And you as a parent can kind of facilitate that and make sure there's not anything there that would be inappropriate. And then kind of decide when would be the best time to have your kiddo access that email. Or maybe it's you pull things from that email and include them in the Life Book. Another thing you can do is an adoptive family email. So setting up the email, when you first get kiddo and maybe you, go in there and just send a little email, "Hey, we got you today. These are the things we did. These are the things you enjoyed," or just any, like, life events, milestones for kiddo, photographs, any of that same information you might put in a Life Book you could really send to this email. And the way I see this done a lot of times is the adoptive family or the parents in general will add to this over time and then give the kiddo access at, maybe like their high school graduation, so that they kind of have this, like, memory chain of their entire life. So that's why I kind of say this would be a good addition to a Life Book, because with those Life Books, we really want them to be involved in that creative process and building it. But this could be a really cool addition. The next two things are things you could do in place of a Life Book, potentially. So a memory box or a hope chest. So this would include all of the same things, but instead of putting them in a book form, you could put them in some sort of decorative box, or like a treasure chest. You could also do a Digital Lifebook. So with graphic design, all of the things becoming so much more prevalent than they used to be. Especially with our teenagers, this might be a really fun idea if that's something that they're interested in. And we'll talk in a little bit about some, like, extensive resources to be able to help you do that. [Slide: Creating a Memory Box for Your Foster Children] LACEY: So this is just a short clip. And I'm only going to play a little piece of it, but it's kind of showing that memory box idea and how this particular parent did that. [VIDEO] [music] [Title Card: A Fostered Life with Christy K. Episode 42: Creating a Memory Box for your Foster Children] Christy: Actually interested in sharing this right now, because one of the things that I include in the memory boxes that I made for the kids is these monthly planners from Dollar Tree. [Photo of colorful Monthly Planners with polka dot, leopard, or tribal patterns on them. Each has the child's name on it, but covered over with a sticky note.] CHRISTY: And I'll show them to you right now, because right now, school supplies are in stock at Dollar Tree. And so you can pick these very planners up for a dollar a piece. And, and I'll show you how I use it in just a second. But I also use these boxes that I got at Costco, and I believe there were six, 5 or 6 in a pack at Costco, very reasonably priced. [Three boxes stacked on top of each other, one blue, one pink, one purple. Each is labeled "[Child's Name] Keepsakes." The children's names are on them, but they are covered for the video. As she continues to talk, she pulls out each item she describes to show it to the camera.] CHRISTY: So here's what I've come up with. Each box has, one photo album and you can totally get more. This is just, one. And I've got my kid's name in stickers on the front, and, and then it's just full of pictures that I've put in there from along the way. Some of the pictures that are in that album are actually that I was able to get a couple baby pictures, from before they came, before he came to us. And so I've put those in there as well. So he'll have some of his baby pictures, even from before he came to us. And then each one of them has this, calendar. And this is the only thing that really requires any effort of maintenance. Maybe besides putting the pictures in the album and what I have in the calendar are, each month and I just these are great. They're a dollar at the Dollar Tree, and each month I just write like something in about that month. [Note: FYI: I don't write something every day... just highlights!] CHRISTY: So this is the month of July. And, I just wrote like, we had family in town, so I put that there was family in town, our boys and camp. And, on the 4th of July, he loved the fireworks. And so, so I noted that. And then we just came back from a four-night vacation. Actually, I think it might have been five nights. No, it was four nights vacation. With some family members. And so I wrote some of the highlights of, that vacation time, which included jumping off of a huge rock into a pool, into a river. Awesome. [Photo of a child, from behind, jumping off a large rock into the river below. A man waits in the water to catch the boy.] CHRISTY: So I just I use that to just write highlights. And for, for our toddler, I'm writing in words that she's saying. For our infant, I'm writing in milestones on those dates. So, it's a great way to kind of really easily just keep track of certain things. Maybe, you know, you sat up for the first time this time, or, our little guy just started saying "Dadadada," like three days ago. And so I wrote that in there. We also started giving him solid food when he turned six months, and I wrote that in there, too. So those are just some, some ideas of things you could write in. You're not going to capture everything, but, but it's kind of a great, a great way to save some of those memories and have something to refer to later. [VIDEO ENDS] LACEY: So that's just a little snippet of another idea or way that you could do this. [Slide: Etsy Digital/Printable Options Foster Care + Adoption Binder Life Book Set Download and Print PDF 160+ Life Book Pages Images of various designs. One is more geometric, with triangles and bunting. The other is floral, with chalkboard and flower aesthetics.] LACEY: So this is kind of talk a little bit about some of those digital options that we briefly mentioned. So Etsy actually has so, so many options for this. You do have to purchase them. But they're usually like a very minimal cost. So they have a lot of options that are printable. So they have these cute little designs, and kind of, you know, predetermined pages that you can pick and choose. Like this particular set has 160 different pages. And you just download it and then you print out whichever ones that you feel like using. There's also several options that are, digital. So if you wanted to go in and, alter them on the computer, you could change the colors, you could enter the information, add pictures virtually, and then just keep them saved on your computer. You can do that as well. And that might be something fun for like your older kids to work on. Or you could do some combination of the two. [Slide: Adoption = Loss] LACEY: So we've talked a lot about like the fun, creative pieces of a Life Book. And I want to talk a little bit more, about some of the, like, reasons why these books are so significant. So the first thing we know is that at the core of adoption is loss. For the kiddo, for the family. And so these are just some of the areas that they could be experiencing loss. Loss of birth family connections, connections to culture, a loss of sense of belonging, a loss of their bedroom and other physical belongings. Friends, the ability to find their identity, birth, family traditions, familiarity with their surroundings and self-esteem. And there are a lot more things, but these are some of those. And a lot of times when kiddos experiences experience these losses, they don't necessarily understand that they're missing these things. And it can come out in behavioral implications. [Slide: Behavioral Challenges] LACEY: So a few of the behaviors that we kind of see on a regular basis and again, there's many more, but these are some of the most common ones. Angry outbursts, identity seeking or drastic changes. And we know that part of adolescence is figuring out who you are and trying different things and trying different looks. But this looks more like, you know, kind of a constant revolving door of different identities or personalities and really not ever settling on anything. Depression or anxiety, low self-esteem, running away, constant sensory seeking and oppositional behaviors. [Slide: Life Books Can Make a Difference] LACEY: So what does the Life Book do? And it really can make a difference in a lot of these areas. It helps kiddos to gain an understanding of "Where they came from" and what happened to them to get them where they are today. It decreases that self-blame and unknown shame. And I, I kind of came up with that "unknown shame" word because it really kind of describes that feeling of, you know, "What did I do? And I do something wrong that I had to enter foster care? Was there something wrong with me?" And so you just have this sense of like, I don't know what it is, but maybe something was wrong with me. And so it's the shame of something that you don't even know about. It creates a sense of belonging in both the birth and adoptive families, and it really connects the two. And a perfect way to answer that question of "Where do I fit in?" You fit in both places. It builds an attachment between the child and the parents or the family. It builds self-esteem and ownership over their life story. That was another significant thing about the UK video that stood out to me. It's been mentioned how a lot of times we just give a kid a story and say, "This is what happened to you. This is the, the story of your life" without really allowing them to contribute to that and share their own experiences. And so it gives them ownership over their story when they're able to contribute their memories and experiences as well. There are endless opportunities for sensory activities. When you're doing Life Books, you can color, you can cut, you can glue, you can just do all the things. And so it provides just endless opportunity for that. And then it can start the exploration of family or biological family in a, contact, in a safe way. So a lot of times we hear kiddos saying, "I wanted to know more about my biological family. I wanted to, you know, have contact with them some day. But I didn't want to hurt my adoptive family's feelings." And so this having this information in the Life Book and being able to have this, communication about that first family really enables you to have healthy conversation about it. That would make that conversation much easier, because it's kind of been an integrated piece throughout the course of making the Life Book. [Slide: The gift of a Life Book] LACEY: So this video, is a kiddo, and she appears to be a teenager in a group home. So it's a little bit different setting than kind of what we've been talking about. And she didn't have the opportunity to participate in making this Life Book. I think it's something that her workers and staff did for her because she didn't have a lot of this information, so she didn't have that opportunity to build it with a family. But really, the piece I want to pay close attention to in this video is her reaction, to being able to have these memories. Notice how she recalls certain things that she probably wasn't even thinking about before, but when she sees a picture, she's able to recall certain memories and things that were very positive for her. And so that's really what the focus here is. [VIDEO] [RAK Video Raising Arizona Kids www.raisingarizonakids.com] [Brittany Haley, a teen with glasses and shoulder-length hair, is standing in a kitchen being interviewed.] PERSON 1: Are you looking forward to it? BRITTANY: Yeah. I am so excited. [Card: Brittany Haley entered the foster care system at age five.] BRITTANY: So excited. I like this one. That's all I've been thinking about in school And work is coming into my Life Book. [music] [Footage of Susanne Sauer and others scanning documents and placing them into the life book. We see shots of individual pages, photos placed onto colorful scrapbook paper with patterned backgrounds.] [Card: Today, Susanne Sauer will present Brittany with a Lifebook... a scrapbook with childhood photos and family history.] PERSON 1: Big deal huh? Yeah. I've never seen pictures of me when I was younger. Yeah, it's like five years old. And that's it. I've never seen anything younger than that. My mom, so I never had any baby pictures of me so don't be disappointed. She's like, I tried to contact everyone, but your dad lost all of them. Hi Shane! And so she's like, "Don't be disappointed." I was like, "I'm not. I haven't seen any pictures, you know, I'm excited." PERSON 1: So anything. BRITTANY: Yeah. Anything. [music] SUZANNE SAUER (Director of Special Programs, Arizonans for Children, Inc.): It's been such a journey. I got to know her. Just seeing those baby pictures and knowing that she's going to be so excited, well, not baby pictures but a little bit older. And putting it together with all the fun colors. I mean, how exciting is that? [Suzanne holds up a gift bag with a peace sign print on it. She places the book into it.] SUZANNE: Peace signs are like her favorite. [Suzanne, standing next to Brittany in a living room, holds the peace sign bag out to her] SUZANNE: So. Hey, I got your book scanned. It's all in my computer. If you get separated from your book. I have a copy of it on file. [Hugs Brittany] And I love you so much. And I want you to have it. Okay. All right. [laughter] I would say just take a comfy seat over there. PERSON 1: I'm so nervous. BRITTANY: Oh, geez. Oh my gosh. This is a birth certificate. Oh my god. [Brittany presses the book to her chest. Laughter] PERSON 1: Have you seen that? Aww. [Brittany shakes her head, fans at her face as tears start to form.] PERSON 2: What is it? Aww. BRITTANY: [sobbing] I've never seen pictures of myself. It's just kind of really weird. [Brittany looks through the book with her friends, talking about the pictures in it. Some dialogue is unintelligible.] PERSON 1: Do you remember that? BRITTANY: No. [unintelligible] PERSON 3: You look the same. How cute! BRITTANY: When I was a little girl, I used to own a Doodle Bear. I used to draw on it day in and day out. Look at this one! And I'm all tiny. I remember that jacket. I'd wear that jacket, and I was [unintelligible] Hey I remember that doll. It was porcelain. I broke it, though. [laughter] BRITTANY: That's Cecilia. She was my caseworker for, like, she was thinking about... I didn't find out till, like, months ago that she wanted to foster me or adopt me. Wow. This was at the Elephant Barn. Oh all the schools I went to. Oh, Jefferson. [Brittany and Suzanne high five.] BRITTANY: Hey. [VIDEO ENDS] LACEY: I love her reactions just to seeing the different parts of her life that maybe she had forgotten about, or just seeing herself. She kind of acknowledged, "I've never seen myself as a kid," and that's really cool. But I also think this really just highlights that even if kiddos, you know, maybe parents don't have the ability to do this with them. We as professionals can do this as well. It doesn't have to strictly be just an adoptive parent thing. This has value for kiddos, in adoption settings, foster care settings. Really anywhere. And this was a professional within her agency that was, you know, taking on her care that helped build this book for her. And so it's really something that all of us can take a part in. [Slide: Changing the Narrative] LACEY: I think it's also really helpful for changing the narrative of how kiddos think about themselves. We often have kiddos who feel like, you know, they're an adoptive child, and so they often feel different than everyone else around them, like something is weird about them. And so really helping them build this Life Book and build their story can kind of help flip that. So they become, "Yes, I am different. I'm unique. I'm special. I have two families that love me. I belong in this, like, tapestry of places and families." And it can really help to spin this like "I am different" and to just really a positive situation. [Slide: The Keeper of the Story] LACEY: And last, I want to talk about this being the keeper of this story. This is super brief, but I feel like it's so important. Like in that video we just watched with the young lady who is in a group home setting. Everybody involved in her care is really instrumental in making sure that these kiddos have these memories. We, as the adults, often hold many of the details of a child's story. And I think back to, like, you know, we learn about Native American history or, you know, really history of any culture. And there's such value placed on like generations passing down the information and the stories from one generation to the next. And if any generation stops that, that story is lost. The details and information is lost. And so if we don't ensure that kiddos are able to access the parts of their story and contribute to their story, they're going to seek that information out in other ways. It may not necessarily be in the most safe or appropriate ways. And so we just want to help build just that healthy, collection of stories and information for our kiddos so that they don't have to wonder who they are, where they came from. So that's all for today. I'm going to stop sharing my screen real quick. Then if anybody had any questions or any comments, feel free to drop those in the chat. Or if you just want to unmute yourself, that's totally fine too. [Slideshow ends] BONNI GOODWIN: Lacey, I just want to say, thank you so much. This is such a great presentation of really one of the most powerful tools for our, kids who have been adopted. And as a, as a therapist in the in the past, whenever I was doing regular, everyday work, clinical work with families. This is really the step one where I would start is doing this kind of work because it's so critical to being able to identify, what are what am I feeling? How am I doing with my story? And it also is a way to pull in the whole family. So like being able to have walk with a child and creating their Life Book and then having the child present it to their family or having them work on it together, I mean, it's, it, it is, It's a really great avenue to do some individual processing, but then also work within the family system, which is such a critical piece of working with adoptive families. So, I'm really excited that we have this information on a Lunch and Learn that we can share with other people of some really great, just pieces of what a Life Book is and how to do it, and really great creative, ideas. So thank you so much. LACEY: And then just as a quick reminder, if anybody needs the certificate, just make sure you drop your email in the chat and we will make sure we get that to you. BONNI: Awesome, thank you. LACEY: Oh, I'm actually going to share one file I totally forgot. I'm going to share something in, the chat. So it's just a Word document that has a bunch of different, resources on the internet. Websites you can go to that, have, both free -- some of them are, cost and they're separated by the ones that are free and the ones that cost, but tons of, like templates or printables that you can use in the formation of a Life Book. So let me add that real quick. Okay. I just dropped that in the chat if anyone would like to save that. BONNI: Awesome. Thank you so much. Kelley also put into the chat the QR code for our website that will have upcoming events. We've got another Lunch and Learn in July. July 11th is our next one, and we have some ongoing NTI virtual coaching sessions happening right now. If you are a professional, mental health professional, working with adopt and foster kiddos, and you are interested in joining a group of us going through the NTI adoption competency training together, we just started. So it'd be really great to hop on, right now and not get too far behind. So go ahead and check out that, QR code. Hop on OKFosters, Oklahoma Adoption Competency Network page, and you can find the link there to register for those, training sessions. Yeah. And thank you so much again. Great job Lacey. LACEY: Thank you.