The Importance of Self-Care --- [mic feedback] GRACE CAMERON: Okay, so I want to welcome everyone today to our Lunch and Learn. This Lunch and Learn is being brought to you by a collaboration between Oklahoma Human Services, University of Oklahoma Anne and Henry Zarrow School of Social Work, and the Oklahoma Adoption Competency Network. We appreciate everyone joining during your noon or lunch hour, and we want to get started so we can make sure to respect everyone's time and the great information being discussed today. First, let us go over a few housekeeping things for our time together this afternoon. The first is that we are recording this meeting and by participating you are giving your consent to be recorded. The second is that we want to help reduce distractions so we can all focus and participate. We have muted everyone to make it possible for everyone to hear the speakers. We want you to express your thoughts and questions so please utilize the chat for this purpose. We will monitor the chat and questions will be touched upon during our Q&A time, during the last 15 minutes of the webinar. We want to see you. So if you're willing and you can, please turn on your video. If you are unable, that is fine also. To receive information about other post-adoption events, Please list your name and email in the chat and we will make sure to add you to our contact list. Number three is remember confidentiality. It is vital that we protect confidential information so we will not share specifics like names, details or any other anything else about adoption cases, people, or children. Number four is if you are a foster parent attending this training, you will receive one hour of training credit towards the 12 hours of in-service training that you need each year. These trainings are not yet available as CEU credits for professionals. However, you may submit this certificate to your agency and request training credit per your agency's policies. Please indicate in the chat if you would like to receive a certificate of attendance and participation. And now I want to hand everything off to Dr. Ward and Dr. Schafer-Morgan, who is today's host. AMY WARD: Hello. Good afternoon. We are so pleased to be here with you today. I know it's, the week of Christmas, and everybody's busy with holiday festivities. Maybe. Or maybe not. So we just appreciate your time today. We are so glad to see you. You know, today we're going to be covering the basics of self-care. So if we could go ahead and get our slide, going. And, Dr. Morgan, you want to go to share that screen? DESTANY SCHAFER-MORGAN: Yes. Give me just one second. WARD: Got to love technology, right? It's great. [laughter] SCHAFER-MORGAN: I know. WARD: Give us just a second here. As she's pulling that up, you know, we're going to be talking about the basics of self-care specifically for foster care and adoptive families. But that doesn't mean you can't apply today's concepts to yourself. And so as she's pulling that up, just so we can kind of get to know who's in the room, if you will open your chat up and just let us know your location so you know where you're at and maybe your role. So are you a employee of DHS, or are you a foster parent, an adoptive parent? We would really appreciate, sharing that information that would be interesting for us to know as we get started. [Slide: The Basics of Self-Care for Foster and Adoptive Families Dr. Amy Ward, LCSW & Dr. Destany Schafer-Morgan, LMSW] SCHAFER-MORGAN: Can everybody see the PowerPoint? Okay. WARD: Wonderful. SCHAFER-MORGAN: Thank you. WARD: Adoptive parent okay, we've got some adoptive parents in the room. Thank you so much. LCSW, School Counselor. Wonderful. Good to have you here. Okay. DHS Post-Adopt Services. Awesome, great. A great, well-rounded audience we have. So we really appreciate that. That's what we're going to do. Can you go ahead and go to the next slide for me. SCHAFER-MORGAN: Yes, ma'am. [Slide: Agenda Welcome and Introductions Icebreaker Poll Self-care Discussion Assessment Self-care plan] WARD: And as she's doing that, Dr. Morgan and I, we are, with East Central University's Social Work Program that's located in Ada, Oklahoma. We've done just a range of different things. I've been a social worker since about 2007. And, you know, we just have a heart for helping people. And we just want to thank you. If you're a foster parent and adoptive parent and you're in the room with us today, thank you for your service. Thank you for what you do. And if you're a clinician, a practitioner, we appreciate you and all of your hard work. We know everything, your heart and soul goes into this job and we thank you for that. So today's agenda, Dr. Morgan's going to do a little bit of a poll and some icebreaking with you guys. We're going to talk about self-care. Try to have as much engagement as we can. I know sometimes it's a little tricky when we're on Zoom, but we want to hear from you. We want to get to know you. We want to talk to you. So please don't feel, restricted by our online environment. Hopefully you'll feel, you know, comfortable in sharing what you can and what's appropriate. The other thing we're going to do is we're going to do a little bit of an assessment just to see where you're at with your self-care. And then we're going to start to just touch on what a self-care plan might look like. [Slide: Objectives Introduce adoption competence Define self-care Identify barriers to self-care Complete self-care assessment Start a self-care plan] WARD: The objectives today. We're going to briefly just introduce some of the great work with adoption competence. Phenomenal things going on there. Define self-care. So you have a living, breathing, working definition of that. We're going to talk about some of the barriers that may get in the way of self-care. Complete your self-care assessment and then, like we said earlier, just really start to touch on a self-care plan that you can take with you today. [Slide: Ice Breaker and Poll Self-care word cloud: What word comes to mind when you think about self-care? Self-care poll: What do you think your current level of self-care is? (high, low, moderate)] SCHAFER-MORGAN: So we want to start off with a little icebreaker. So if you guys wouldn't mind scanning the first QR code, the one on the top here. I'll give you guys a minute to scan and then I'm going to switch screens, so bear with me. But this icebreaker is a self-care word cloud. So what I want you to answer is just tell us what word first comes to mind when you think about self-care. And then, as everyone's typing in their answers, we will be able to see that in real time, what word you associate with self-care. So I'll give just a couple more seconds to scan the QR code. Okay. So it should take you. There we go. Can everyone see the word cloud screen? No. Okay. One second. [Slide: What word comes to mind when you think about self-care? Word cloud with: relaxation, exercise, relief, patience, pride, mental well-being, rest, mediation, boundaries, relaxed, calm, hard, peace, me] SCHAFER-MORGAN: Now, can everyone see the word cloud screen? There we go. WARD: Yeah, we are showing it. Okay, cool. Exercise. Pride. Meditation, mental well-being. Man, you guys are, you should be teaching this class! [laughter] You have boundaries. I see boundaries in there. That is phenomenal. Like where you already are with your words and thinking of self-care. Very cool. [unintelligible] SCHAFER-MORGAN: Awesome, well that gives us. WARD: Hard. Oh, we have to acknowledge the hard word, Dr. Morgan, that's an important one to acknowledge, I think. It can be hard. Absolutely. SCHAFER-MORGAN: And this kind of gives us a good picture of sort of where everyone is at with self-care and kind of what they associate with that. Now, the next thing I want you guys to do, I'm going to switch, switch modes again. So bear with me. [Slide: Ice Breaker and Poll] SCHAFER-MORGAN: Okay, so now if you all could scan the second QR code down here on the bottom, this is going to take us to a self-care poll. And if you would please just enter what you think your current level of self-care is. It can be low, moderate or high. WARD: And this really helps us to get a baseline. Before we even take the assessment of where you think you're at. And then when we take the formalized assessment, you can kind of just independently, compare your results. And I think that's always, eye opening. SCHAFER-MORGAN: Okay. Now I'm going to switch over and we'll see the live results of this poll. Maybe. There we go. [Slide: What do you think your current level of self-care is? Results: High (0) Moderate (9) Low (1)] SCHAFER-MORGAN: So a lot of you think you're in the moderate level of self-care. That's good. Has everyone had a chance to enter in their answers? Okay, well, I'm going to go ahead and switch back again. WARD: And please don't feel bad if you have, if you are on that lower end, and like great self awareness that you're right there and you know that maybe this is an area you need to improve upon, that's, that's absolutely okay. And so it's good to have that self-awareness of where you think you are right now. SCHAFER-MORGAN: Okay. Yes, I appreciate you guys sharing that. That gives us a good baseline. [Slide: Adoption Competence What is adoption competency? Understanding the nature of adoption and its unique circumstances. Viewing events through an adoption-knowledgeable lens For Professionals: Having adoption competence will... help you identify appropriate interventions for families in crisis, keep you from unintentionally harming children and families involved with foster care/adoption For families: Having adoption competence will... help you identify your specific needs, get connected with proper supports resources, practice appropriate self-care] WARD: A little bit about adoption competence. And first of all, let me just say shout out to Oklahoma, Dr. Goodwin, OKDHS, what you guys are doing to bring services to, the families that really are past that post adoption or into that post adoption period that maybe traditionally wouldn't get the resources, and support that they need. So thank you for all of your work in this area. And just to kind of summarize some of the things that we, we have learned through, you know, being part of this process here. So, you know, first of all, what is adoption competency? You know, really thinking about being able to view events, regarding adoption, through a very knowledgeable lens. So increasing your knowledge base, increasing your understanding, and then also just really understanding the unique circumstances and consequences, of things that are involved or encompassed in the adoption process. So when you think about adoption competence for professionals, you know, this is really going to be focused on helping you to identify appropriate interventions for families in crisis. You know, that's so very important. And I just, you know, as we were going through this material, I was reflecting on my own time, when I was an intern at Adoption in my undergraduate degree. And, wow, you know, we weren't trained on these things. We didn't know, you know, what appropriate interventions might be helpful for families in crisis. So as a professional, you see that we're now focusing on these areas. It's just, really, it's encouraging. The other thing is, you know, we don't want to do harm. What's the thing? When we become a professional social worker, LCSW, or whatever it is, you know, we go into those helping professions not wanting to do unintentional harm. So that's a really important point of focus for professionals. And then lastly, you know, for our families, we want families to also have adoption competence. And this is really going to be able to help you to identify your specific needs, help you really get connected to support through resources. And then kind of where Dr. Morgan and I are linked in is, you know, helping to maybe help you practice appropriate self-care so that you don't feel so stressed and that you can have supports in place that you need to really protect yourself. [Slide: What is self-care? - In general, self-care refers to the "practice of activities that individuals initiate and perform on their own behalf in the interest of maintaining life, health, continuing personal development, and well-being" (Artinian, Magnan, Sloan, & Lange, 2002, p. 162). - A self-care misconception is that it has to be physical - Self-care is an intentional process or action to enhance functioning and overall wellbeing (Dorociak et al., 2017) - It can vary significantly between individuals due to cultural background, values, age, physical and emotional needs, and personal preferences (Dorociak et al., 2017) - Research shows us that individuals who engage in regular self-care experience better health and wellbeing compared to those who do not, suggesting that proactively engaging in such activities is an important preventative measure for stress and burnout. (Moses, Bradley, and O'Callaghan, 2016; Rupert and Dorociak, 2019) (Cook-Cottone and Guyker, 2018; Dorociak et al., 2017)] SCHAFER-MORGAN: So what is self-care? Well, simply put, self-care is a set of behaviors that help promote health and well-being for yourself. A common self-care misconception that we hear a lot is that it has to be physical. So a lot of times when we're talking to someone about self-care, they're like, "Oh, yeah, exercising." And that is a great self-care technique. But there are actually lots of others. And there's five domains of self-care that we're going to get into here in just a little bit. In self-care, it's an intentional process or action to enhance your functioning and overall well-being. And it's important to remember that this can very significantly between individuals for all sorts of reasons. Some of those reasons may be cultural background and differences, your values, your age, physical or emotional needs, and also just personal preference, what you like to do. Maybe I don't enjoy exercising and that is not self-care to me, that's stressful. So it's really just going to depend on the person. And for example, cultural background. We have people who may enjoy going to church, praying, reading the Bible. Or we may have other people, for example, a lot of the Native Americans, in their culture, they practice different ceremonies like sweat lodge ceremonies or stomp dances, jingle dress dances, other kinds of cultural ceremonies like that. So it's really going to vary, and culture plays a big part in self-care for a lot of people. And research, research also shows us that individuals who engage in regular self-care, experience better health and well-being compared to those who do not. And this suggests that being proactive and engaging in activities is a is an important preventative measure for stress and burnout. So we want to make sure that we're practicing self-care before we get to that burnout phase. So really creating a plan and being proactive in that is going to be really, really helpful for us. And one other thing I want to mention. Self-care is not just individual, but it can also involve the community. So for example, community often determines what access we have to self-care, implementation of, or even success of our self-care activities. So that's going to be important to remember, also. [Slide: Data and Statistics - A study conducted in 2019 of 229 adoptive parents determined that they only engage in moderate to modest self-care practices (Miller et al., 2019) - Stress=disruption approximately 10-25% per year (Child Welfare Information Gateway) - There are relatively few studies related to Foster/Adoptive self-care.] WARD: That's great information, Dr. Morgan. You know what we look at as social workers, we do a lot of work with social determinants. And I just love the overlap that when, when you look at self-care in the domains of self-care, I think it's so important, just like Dr. Morgan said, to not just think about it as being an individual practice, but also community, and that's part of building that social support system and having the strong social determinants so that you have a greater increased quality of life and overall well-being. You know, so when it comes to data and stats specifically focused on adoption and self-care, and adoptive parents and self-care, there is a huge gap. Wow. We did a lot, we basically be a little bit of a literature review, and we were just very disheartened at the lack of, knowledge that we have regarding self-care in adoptive families. And really, even, you know, past that point where, some sort of child welfare entity is involved, but we've seen a little bit of information that we thought might be intriguing to bring up here. There was a 2019 study, pretty small sample size of about 229 adoptive parents, and they looked at self-care practices and really got in there to evaluate, you know, where, where are adoptive families at or parents at regarding self-care? And what they determined through this study was only about a moderate to modest amount of self-care practices were going in, with that particular sample size and in that particular population. So, it was kind of a right in that middle of the road range. And I also thought about this, you know, sometimes overall, we have a tendency to like, maybe overrate things. And so that's really important to consider here. You know, the accuracy of this information. And if it really maybe even a little bit lower than moderate a moderate to modest. So that would be something to consider. The other thing regarding, you know, data and this is that we do know that stress equals disruption. And we do know that there's a link with stress and lack of self-care. And so, you know, I think it would just be important to note that in this is pretty old data from, from the information gateway. But it's [unintelligible] 2012, a 10 to 25% disruption rate in adoption. So that's, that's not great. And so, you know, how can we support, how can we, reduce stress? It's that self-care. You know, we think that that's a huge piece of it. And then just a side note of saying, you know, this is an opportunity, to really, you know, we've got some of the greatest researchers around in Oklahoma. And so just to really kind of wave the flag and say, hey, this is an area we need to investigate further so that we can bring knowledge and evidence, to our families that need this information and to our practitioners that are serving these families. [Slide: Challenges faced in foster care, adoption, and post-adoption - Feelings of isolation (Atkinson & Gonet, 2007) - Lack of post adoption supports (Houston & Kramer, 2008) - High level of parental stress (Judge, 2003) - Lack of support from family and friends (Goldberg, et al. 2014) - Disagreements among partners/spouses (Ceballo, et al. 2004)] SCHAFER-MORGAN: Thank you, Dr. Ward. So what are some of the challenges faced in foster care, adoption and post adoption? What research shows us is that there's lots of feelings of isolation with this population in particular. Also a lack of post adoption support, specifically after six months. There's a high level of parental stress, also a lack of support from family and friends. People don't necessarily understand the challenges that come with foster care and adoption. And then there also may be disagreements among partners and spouses, and a few others that we've run into in working with foster and adoptive families include things like navigating the legal system. Especially here in Oklahoma, you know, we have the state legal system. We also have the tribal legal system. And there can be some differences between that. We also have information, insufficient information, possibly about the child placed in the home, tensions and anxiety about meeting the child, and also just navigating the trauma of the child in general. Are there any others if you feel comfortable sharing, are there any others that you have run into personally, or maybe know of someone that have run into you? Any different challenges? WARD: So maybe if you know a challenge or a barrier, just drop it in the chat so we can see it. That would be cool. SCHAFER-MORGAN: And then Dr. Ward, would you mind monitoring the chat there. I'm not sure if -- WARD: Sure. I don't see any, any additions there in the chat, but it's absolutely fine. We can go ahead and go on to the next when you're ready. [Slide: The 5 Domains of Self-Care - Physical (body) - Exercise, eating well, what's your outlet? - Spiritual (different for each person) - May or may not be important to you... meditating, reading scripture, attending a service or group - Social (relationships) - talk to a friend, schedule date night, go to an event - Emotional (psychological) - Reading, regulating in some way - Intellectual (mind) - Stimulating your brain in some way, reading, puzzles, trying something new] WARD: So let's get into the five domains of self-care. There are a few different models and domain systems to kind of look at self-care. Oh, and I did see that someone did drop something in the chat. It says, "Lack of support for difficult behavioral problems like reactive attachment disorder." And oh my goodness. Oh, here's some more coming in. Maybe there was just a little delay. "Perception of adoption, as being like the end story, the happy ending." Oh, wow. Guys, these, these are so good. And so. I mean, it's so heavy, right? Like, how do you support families who have a kiddo who has some challenges with behavior? You know, that's a really important thing. And it really provides, a it's a barrier to being able to do what you need to do, when you're having all those caretaking roles. Yeah. So those are very helpful to, to highlight. Thank you for sharing those. Thank you. Thank you for that. Absolutely. So the five domains of self-care, there's some other models that maybe have broken down into seven domains or a little bit less than five, but we like the five domain. So when you look at these, I would challenge you to consider yourself as a whole person. Right? You know, mind, body, soul, everything that makes you up as an individual, the things that are unique and maybe the similarities you have with others. So really considering like a holistic approach to this and starting with, you know, our physical body and maybe that this is what we're putting into our bodies, you know, are we eating well? Nutritional considerations. Exercise and even thinking about, you know, what is your outlet? How do you cope with stress? You know, I, I work with, I still see clients in clinical settings and we talk about all. We talk about this all the time, you know, like what are you putting in? What are you getting out? And then, you know, really like sublimation. How what do you what's your outlet? Is it like a physical outlet? Is it emotional? So really, considering that, as far as the physical domain is concerned. And then moving on to the spiritual domain, and Dr. Morgan did a great job of mentioning this early. You know, it could look different for everyone. And it doesn't necessarily have to be like church or, linked in to like religion. It can most certainly be spirituality or your connectedness with the world, with the Earth. You know, maybe you are meditating. Maybe you're taking some sort of walk where you're really grounded, in nature and you're being able to really, like, reconnect. For me, that's a really great one and really important. Maybe you're attending a service or some sort of group, you know, that's also in that spiritual category or domain. And then, social. We know that this one is really, really important. We have all types of new data and literature related to what we just mentioned, social determinants, and knowing that, you know, social isolation, especially after COVID, people are still kind of trying to reintegrate into the world and, you know, navigate new things and challenges after being really socially isolated. So this can be, you know, focusing on relationships, having a close friend you can talk to, you know, scheduling a date night, going to some sort of community event and, you know, social interaction. I know there's like a whole lot of like, talks about social media and get off the phone, and, you know, all of those things. But it can even be just like that support from one friend to another, or you're sending a text checking in. Right? And having kind of that back and forth dialog. Moving into the emotional or psychological domain. You know, this is you being able to regulate in some way. You know, maybe it's reading, maybe it's, you know, doing some mindfulness practices. Maybe it's being able to set some boundaries. And then intellectual. This is really about, you know, cognition being able to stimulate your brain in some way. So maybe you're doing puzzles. Maybe you're trying something new, reading something, learning a new language, learning a new sport or activity. And, you know, what I want to mention also about the domains, is they do intersect and they do overlap. You know, so when you think about doing something spiritual, reading scripture or, you know, you're also stimulating your brain because you are reading. And so essentially you're hitting two domains and possibly even three when you think about emotional or psychological all in one activity. So they can't intersect and they can't overlap. So I'm just curious, are there any other domains that anyone else has heard of or that you want to just like maybe drop in the chat and share or something that you know you'd like to add as far as the domains go? Yeah, the chat. Yeah. Okay, I will see. Oh, creative, I love that. That's great. Creative is most certainly part of you know, I think you could put it in a couple of areas. Even like that intellectual side of things where you were able to maybe paint or do something creative. Great. That's excellent. Thank you for sharing that. That's important to remember. Dr. Morgan, you want to go to the next slide? [Slide: Self-care isn't just a warm bath... - Common misconception: self-care has to be physical - Other ideas: Set limits/boundaries, delegate tasks, challenge negative thinking, unplug from email/social media, talk to a friend - Self-compassion: accepting yourself even when you don't meet your own goals or expectations (Berkley Wellbeing Institute) - Key to having optimal wellbeing] SCHAFER-MORGAN: Yes. WARD: Oh, and then we have one other comment. This is really good. I think it fits in emotional, or spiritual, or physical. Yeah. That's really good. If you can see the chat there, that's really important. Attending counseling for yourself. Oh, my goodness. I'm such a huge advocate of, you know, if you don't see a counselor or a therapist on a regular basis or just see, have never seen one, you know, like, please, I think it's, it's important. It helps you connect with yourself, helps you to process. So if you haven't done that, that's a great point. Connect. Absolutely. Connect with a therapist. Go ahead, Dr. Morgan. SCHAFER-MORGAN: Awesome. Thank you all for sharing. So like we've been talking about, self-care is much more than just taking a warm bath. And again, the common misconception is that it has to be physical, but that's not true. As Dr. Ward said, there's five different domains of self-care. And so some of the other ideas that you can use for self-care may include things like setting limits or putting boundaries in place, delegating tasks when possible, challenging the negative thinking and the negative thoughts, and, you know, Dr. Ward highlighted how social media can be positive in helping you connect, with a friend. But it's also important to sometimes unplug from the email, and unplug from the social media, and just kind of give yourself a reset and a break. And talking to a friend, meeting up with a friend, is another great idea. And then another big part of self-care is something called self-compassion. And this is pretty much just accepting yourself even when you don't meet your own goals or expectations. Because sometimes life happens, and things just don't go as planned, and that's okay. And we have to be able to just accept that and be gentle with ourselves and move on. And this is really key to having optimal wellbeing. [Slide: Barriers to self-care - Multiple roles - Children's commitments - Employment demands - Financial constraints - Guilt - Lack of resources (Gowan, et al., 2021)] SCHAFER-MORGAN: Some barriers to self-care may include people having multiple roles and multiple things they have to take care of, children's commitments, sports, all of those activities, employment demands. Maybe you have financial constraints or guilt. A lot of people I hear talk about having guilt for taking time out for themselves or putting themselves before others. But that's okay and it's necessary to do, because we have to keep ourselves healthy in order to take care of others. And another thing may be lack of resources. Maybe you don't have someone to watch the kids so you can get away. Or like the financial constraints or other resources. If you live in a rural area, maybe there aren't any kinds of resources close to you. And so that can be another barrier. Are there any other barriers that you all want to share in the chat that maybe you've experienced? Dr. Ward, do we have anything yet? WARD: I don't see any, but sometimes I think it's taken just a second to populate. But I don't see anything. If you want to go ahead and move on. And I can flag it if someone responds. SCHAFER-MORGAN: Sounds good. Well, why is self-care important for foster and adoptive families? Well, we know that the stress of having trauma in your home can take a toll. And we also know that self-care may lead to improved physical health. And it can alleviate vicarious trauma. And for those of you who aren't familiar with that term, vicarious trauma is people who experience trauma by having a relationship with people who have experienced trauma. So, for example, some of the kiddos that you may be taking care of have gone through significant amounts of trauma, and you, as the caretaker, being exposed to that through them, can create a trauma response within yourself. And so self-care can help alleviate that vicarious trauma. Self-care also has the potential to lessen feelings of stress. And this is important given the fact that foster and adoptive families may experience high levels of stress. Intentional self-care is an important and appropriate response to this. WARD: Dr. Morgan, we have a couple of chats, but I think for, for the barriers slide that I just want to bring up because they are so good. Barriers, one individual said low self-esteem, you know, that would certainly be a barrier. Having special needs children, that was also in the chat. And then, another participant says no members that are close by. So that goes back to that lack of support system and maybe feeling like, you don't have the support to take a break. Yeah. So those are very valid. And thank you for sharing those because it just really helps us to understand what barriers are out there. So thanks for your courage and sharing. [Slide: Self-Compassion: Let's Practice! Please take out a sheet of paper and answer the following questions: 1. First, think about times when a close friend feels really bad about him or herself or is really struggling in some way. How would you respond to your friend in this situation (especially when you're at your best? Please write down what you typically do, what you say, and note the tone in which you typically talk to your friends. 2. Now, think about times when you feel bad about yourself or are struggling. How do you typically respond to yourself in these situations? Please write down what you typically do, what you say, and note the tone in which you talk to yourself. 3. Did you notice a difference? If so, ask yourself why. What factors or fears come into play that lead you to treat yourself and others so differently? 4. Please write down how you think things might change if you responded to yourself in the same way you typically respond to a close friend when you're suffering.] Bottom line: whether you are the biological or adoptive parent of a child in your care, it's important to practice self-care to help you stay happy and healthy. There's no one-size-fits-all plan; do what works for you. (TFI.org)] WARD: We'd like to do a little bit of an exercise with you guys that's rooted in the practice of self-compassion. So if you could please just pull out a piece of paper or even just, like, free text type, on your computers, that would be lovely. And if you feel comfortable, we would really maybe like to do just a little bit of sharing of course, you know, honoring confidentiality and all of the great things that we were reminded about this morning. So let's just kind of practice some self-compassion. So just, we've got our papers out, we've got whatever we need. And just take a moment, and I want you to help me answer the following questions. So, you know, you have a friend call you. They're struggling with something. They tell you about something that they're feeling bad about, maybe a mistake that they've made. You know, maybe your friend is, like, ruminating on this topic, thinking about it over and over. "This is so horrible. I've really screwed up. I'm so embarrassed." You know, whatever it was that happened. And they're calling you as a friend and they're telling you these things, How do you respond to your friend? Right now, what you would typically say, what you would do and even what tone you would take with your friend that's calling for support. So let's just take a minute and do that. We've all been there, right? You've been the support, and you've also been the person that's called. Right? We've all been there. Absolutely. So now, I want you to think about times where maybe you felt bad about something that you've done, something that you struggled with, or that you're currently struggling with and, you know, like, how do you respond to yourself in those situations? Maybe you get stressed out, you know, it's the holiday season, everybody can sometimes be on edge during this time. How do you respond to yourself when you've made a mistake? You know, what would you say? What tone do you take with yourself? Just kind of note down. Like what do you do when you're in a moment of struggle? We'll take a moment to document that. Now, you know, I want you to start to think about the difference between the way you respond to your friend or the person that's calling you, that's in a struggle, and the way you respond to yourself. Is there a difference? Are we harder on ourselves? Do we lack that compassion with ourselves? So maybe write that down. Is there something that, you know, what factors or fears come into play that lead you to treat yourself differently than someone else? Maybe write that down, jot that down, and then, you know, how can we treat ourselves in a way that's compassionate? You know, think about responding to your friend. How can we take some of those same skills in a response to a friend and apply them to ourselves? How can we give ourselves grace? Anyone want to just share really quickly anything that you came up with there? You can unmute and share or you can share in the chat, whatever you're comfortable with. Or you don't have to share at all, completely up to you. We do have one chat that says, "Forgiveness is helpful." You know, absolutely. When's the last time you've paused and you've said, you know, in the middle of something that maybe you didn't do perfectly. You said, you know, like, "It's all right. I'm human, I make mistakes. It doesn't have to be perfect, right? It's, you know, things are going to look better in the morning. Things are going to get better." And even just to say it's, you know, "It's okay," to yourself. When's the last time you practiced self-compassion? You know, these are all really good, like, skills and takeaways. If you've worked with a therapist, maybe you've done some CBT and cognitive behavioral therapy, where you view self-compassion or even mindfulness. But I think this is a really important component of self-care. Is being able to say like, it's okay. And we have another chat. It says "No one is perfect. Think of the positive and love yourself." Absolutely. I agree with that. Thank you for sharing that. Dr. Morgan, go ahead and go on to the next slide, please. [Slide: Mindfulness Self-Care Assessment https://ed.buffalo.edu/mindful-assessment/scale/assessment.html Were you surprised by your scores?] SCHAFER-MORGAN: Okay. Well, now we want to circle back around, to that poll that we took when we asked you what you thought your level of self-care was. And we're going to ask that you take, a quick self-care assessment. It'll take about 4 or 5 minutes. I'm going to, oops. I'm going to see if I can put this in the chat. Dr. Ward, are you able to copy that link and put it in the chat? WARD: One second. I sure can. SCHAFER-MORGAN: If not, yeah. If not, you can just type that link in and it'll take you right to the, the self, self-assessment home page. WARD: In the chat, coming your way right now. SCHAFER-MORGAN: Thank you. WARD: Well, I hope that worked. SCHAFER-MORGAN: So once it's in the chat, you should be able to just click on the link. And then like I said, it'll take about 4 or 5 minutes. And if you wouldn't mind just typing done in the chat when you're done. So we can kind of get a feel for when you all are ready, and then we'll come back together and discuss. WARD: And for the sake of time, and to honor and respect your time and space here. In one minute, we'll give you about one more minute. We'll go ahead and stop where you're at. You can say, your results on the assessment. If you didn't get all the way through. And it will also email you assessment results if you would like. So we'll just give about one more minute. Oh, it looks like there's a few people that are finishing as we speak. So we'll let you. We'll let you finish that up and then also say like, this is a pretty honest and straightforward assessment. So I think it's interesting to see what your results are. And I've, I've taken this one too. And I was like, okay, so it's interesting to see. Excellent. We have many "dones" that are rolling into the chat. Thank you so much for your participation. Dr. Morgan, you go right ahead. SCHAFER-MORGAN: Yes. So if we could just take a quick second. And for anybody who would like to share, were your scores kind of what you thought, what you answered in the poll? Or did you see some differences there once you actually took the assessment? Anybody want to share? Or even if you didn't get finished, as you were going along answering the questions, were you answering kind of how you answered in the poll? Was it aligning there? WARD: Looks like we have a chat that says that this person was pleasantly surprised with higher scores than expected, as they've been working in the field for 20 plus years. So that's good to hear. SCHAFER-MORGAN: Yes. WARD: We have another response that says, "Mine was pretty on par with what I thought." Yeah, so maybe there weren't any huge surprises. [Slide: Self-Care Planning Write one self-care item for each domain Review: Domains - Physical (body) - Spiritual (different for each person) - Social (relationships) - Emotional (psychological) - Intellectual (mind)] SCHAFER-MORGAN: Good. Well that's awesome. Well, one more thing before we let you go is we want to help you get started on a self-care plan. If you don't already have one. So up here on the screen, we have a review of the five domains of self-care. And if you could just take a minute to jot down one self-care idea, from each domain that you think would be realistic for you to add in a self-care plan. And then the goal is hopefully, over time, if you have more than one domain, that's great. And this is, you know, a fluid plan that can be changed. Things can be added to it, to really just meet the needs wherever you're at, if things change in time. So, you know, we just hope that you keep this with you and that you reference it and that you use it. Sometimes it's easier if you have things written down. You know, for me, I schedule self-care into my calendar. I have it on my personal calendar. I even have it in my work calendar, my Outlook calendar. So everybody knows that from this time to this time, that's my self-care time. So I know, you know, not everybody can do that. But if you are able to, I think it's really helpful to just block that off and schedule it, and make it a priority for yourself. And reach out to those support systems. Like we said, self-care isn't always just individual. A lot of times it's a community effort. So, reach out to those supports and resources. And, you know, Oklahoma DHS is doing a lot of great things and putting a lot of good supports in place. And I know there's a lot more trainings coming up in the Lunch and Learns that you do. It's all just really great support to help you along your journey. [Slide: Resource List - Time Out: A Reflective Self-Care Journal for Foster and Adoptive Parents, by LeShawnda Fitzgerald, 2023 - Self-Compassion for Parents: Nurture Your Child by Caring, by Susan M. Pollak - Joy Fixes for Weary Parents: 101 Quick Research-Based Ideas for Overcoming Stress and Building a Life You Love, by Erin Leyba, PhD - Presently - Journaling APP https:/presently-app.firebaseapp.com/] WARD: The other thing I'll add is that so often people say, I don't have time for self-care, and my response is that there's no set amount of time you have to spend on self-care. You know, if you're a busy family parent, you know, or student, whatever you are, or a professional, like I've always even just thought about, you know, taking, you know, 5 or 10 minutes to just kind of push away from my computer, push away from whatever's stressing me out and reconnect. I've used things like commute times, to focus in on my mental health, on my self-care, on my well-being. And here's a great resource list. I actually have, some of these here. It's a reflective self-care journal, and it's specifically for foster and adoptive parents. It's lovely. It's absolutely lovely. There's so many great prompts. If you're into writing and journaling, which would really hit on multiple, areas of the domains that we covered. There's also a great resource called Self-Compassion for Parents. That's a really good one. Joy Fixes for Weary Parents. It's great. Like quick research-based ideas to help you kind of, like, overcome some stress. And then there's an app, that we like called Presently, and it's available on all the, the app stores and all those things, and it's free and it's just really helpful. [Slide: References - Miller, J. J., Niu, C., Womack, R., & Shalash, N. (2019). Supporting Adoptive Parents: A Study on Personal Self-Care. Adoption Quarterly, 22(2), 157-171. https://doi.org/10.1080/10926755.2019.1627451 - Adams, R. E., Boscarino, J. A., & Figley, C. R. (2006). Compassion fatigue and psychological distress among social workers: A validation study. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 76(1), 103-108. doi:10.1037/0002-9432.76.1.103 - Lee, J., & Miller, S. (2013). A self-care framework for social workers: Building a strong foundation for practice. Families in Society: The Journal of Contemporary Social Services, 94(2), 96-103. doi:10.1606/1044-3894.4289 - Dunkley, J., & Whelan, T. A. (2006). Vicarious traumatisation: Current status and future directions. British Journal of Guidance & Counselling, 34(1), 107- 116. doi:10.1080/0306988050048316 - Newell, J. M., & MacNeil, G. A. (2010). Professional burnout, vicarious trauma, secondary traumatic stress, and compassion fatigue. Best Practices in Mental Health, 6(2), 57-68] [Slide: Contact Us: Dr. Amy Ward, LCSW amyawar@ecok.edu Dr. Destany Schafer-Morgan, LMSW dmorgan@ecok.edu] SCHAFER-MORGAN: And then feel free if you have any questions, or need anything, please feel free to contact us. Our contact information is up here. We can also email it to you if you would like. And we can get that from Dr. Goodwin or Ms. Cameron. So please feel free to reach out. And we would love to help you and answer any questions that you have. WARD: Thank you guys so much for your interaction. We appreciate you. CAMERON: And I did want to mention, that we do have a self-care workshop that Dr. Ward and Dr. Schafer-Morgan are actually going to be, putting on for us in the Ada area. And I will send that flier in the chat. Actually, it should come as a PDF. And that is just a continuation on what we've been talking about today and putting it into practice, you know, as a, as a parent. So you all are welcome to that. And like I said, if you would like to join us, definitely click that flier and sign up and let us know you're coming. WARD: And I have some of these, I'll give away when you come. I don't have a ton of them, but I will. We'll do, like, a door prize or something and give these out if you're interested in those. BONNI GOODWIN: Awesome Dr. Ward, Dr. Morgan, I just want to thank you so, so much for coming and for sharing this. You've got lots of great reactions in the chat. I love the chat response. Thank you for reminding us just how important we are to ourselves. So grateful for that. And, had some great, great tools for us to be able to take with us. So thank you guys. We really appreciate your time. And thank you to everyone who hopped on here. Please reach out to us on the Oklahoma Adoption Competent Network, at OKFosters dot -- What is it? Org? Dot org, OKFosters.org. If you have any other ideas or questions for topics for future lunch and learns, we've got several things going on. You can see them on our events page. All right. Have a wonderful holiday.