Transracial Adoption Lunch & Learn --- [Title Slide: Transracial Adoption: Beyond Colorblindness Toya Bell and Tammera Honer MSW Practicum Students Anne & Henry Zarrow School of Social Work, OU] [Christy Chandler] All right. Good afternoon, everyone. I just want to welcome you today to our Lunch and Learn. Our Lunch and Learn today is being brought to you by a collaboration between the Oklahoma Human Services, University of Oklahoma Anne and Henry Zarrow School of Social Work, and our Oklahoma Adoption Competency Network. We appreciate everyone joining during your lunch and noon hour. We want to make sure we get started so we can respect everyone's time and the information being shared today. First, Let's go over a few housekeeping things for our time together. We will be recording this meeting, so by participating you're giving your consent to be recorded. It will be available later on the okfosters.org website as well. Help us reduce distractions so we can focus and participate. Everyone stay muted if you can. You can utilize the chat if you'd like to express thoughts, or if you have any questions, we will have 15 minutes at the end to touch base and answer any of your questions. We want to see you, if at all possible turn on your cameras. If not, that is totally fine. Also, we will put in the chat... Also put in the chat your name and your email so that we can make sure to get you added to our contact list. And let's also remember confidentiality, it's vital that we protect any confidential information shares. Let's not share names, details about our adoption cases. By attending this training you will also receive the one hour of training credit towards the 12 hours of in-service training that you need each year as a foster parent. Please indicate that in the chat if you would like to receive a training certificate. So now I'm going to hand everything off to Toya Bell and Tammera Honer; these are our hosts for today. [Toya Bell] Greetings everyone. Thank you so much for joining us. We're gonna talk to you about Transracial Adoption: Beyond Colorblindness. So we've got a few objectives to go over. We are going to... [Slide: Objectives] [Toya] So our first objective is we're gonna identify the adoption competencies, we're going to briefly discuss the history and statistics of transracial adoptions. We're going to also explore the importance of race and culture and how it impacts children, we're going to discuss some common challenges faced by translational adoptees, and we're gonna also offer some tips, suggestions, attachment activities, and resources. So next we're gonna, I'm gonna pass it over to Dr. Goodwin and she's going to talk to you about some attachment activities. [Slide: Attachment activities 1. Say Nice Things: Look directly into your child's eyes and state several positive attributes. 2. Features in the Mirror: You and your child look in the mirror as you point out his special features. 3. Dancing In: Have your child stand on your feet while you support your child with one arm around her back, holding her other hand in dancing form while singing a song, i.e., "The more we dance together, together, together, the more we dance together, the happier we'll be." Or make up a song with your child's name in it. 4. Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Face your child as both of you stand. Move your arms slowly and have him copy this movement as if you are mirror images of each other. This is an especially fun activity to do with facial gestures.] [Dr. Bonni Goodwin] Hello everyone. Thank you so much for joining us today. I'm very, I'm very excited about this topic. I think it's really, really important. Okay. So with the beginning with every one of our Lunch and Learns, we throw out a few activities. Something that you can do with children of all ages, and even connections just with other family members, to be able to build bonding and attachment. So we've got quite a few up here today. I will go through them. Some of them are pretty similar, but a little bit different, so to give you some different ideas of how to connect. This first one is "Say Nice Things." That sounds so simple, but it's actually something that you do have to be very intentional of looking directly into your child's eyes, and this is a child of any age, and stating several positive attributes. So something that is really specific, something that is about maybe, I mean, you can say something like "I like your hair," but also something like I mean, "I really appreciate how kind you are and how you always think of other people first." So something, "I love your humor. You're so funny. You're so cool." Something like that. "Features in the Mirror" is talking about being able to, sometimes it's a little overwhelming for some of our kids, especially whenever they've experienced some traumatic relationships in the past, it can be a lot to be looking at each other directly. So you can then instead both look at a mirror at the same time and that way it gives a little bit of a buffer between you and your child, but also allows you to do a similar thing: point out some special features, some cool things, and look at each other through the mirror. "Dancing," This one definitely is a little bit more focused on our littles, because this is an idea where you have your kiddo stand on your feet and you support them while you dance and sing together. It's super fun. If you haven't ever done that with a little one, highly recommended. It always ends in laughter. Maybe a little bit of tumbling. So be careful what you're around, [laughs] but it's very fun. And it's really sweet whenever you're able to have a song and add your child's name into it. And then this last one, "Mirror, Mirror on the Wall," this one I feel like we've mentioned something similar to this before. It's super fun, where you stand facing each other and you do your, do some movements or a facial expression, and then you have your child copy, but then the coolest part is when you flip it and the child gets to lead, and they're doing something and you mirror them and it can be it can be a fun exciting adventure. So attachment is really that building connection, building trust, felt safety in your relationship. And so eye contact, enjoyment, things like that are exactly what you want, what you want to do. All right. Thank you Toya, back to you. [Toya] Right. Thank you, Doctor Goodwin. Okay. [Slide: Domains of Adoption Competency (Image of a camera lens surrounded by the list of 18 domains. Items with an asterisk* are highlighted in red on the slide, denoting domains that will be touched on by the following presentation.) 1. Theoretical/Philosophical Framework 2. The Therapeutic Approach 3. History of Adoption & Adoption Processes 4. *Planning & Preparing for Adoption 5. Legal Issues in Adoption 6. *Differences Between Adoption & Family of Origin 7. Clinical Issues 8. Impact of Genetics & Past Experiences 9. Trauma & Brain Neurobiology 10. Different Types of Adoptive Families 11. *Adoptive Family Formation, Integration, & Development Stages 12. *Cultural Issues 13. Needs of Birth Family Members 14. *Openness in Adoption 15. *Race & Ethnicity 16. Therapeutic Modalities/Techniques 17. Community & Cross Systems Work 18. *Ethical Practice] [Tammera Honer] So if you've been keeping up with the Lunch and Learns thus far, you have seen and heard Dominic present on what the adoption competencies are in detail, then Lynn and Dominic presented on the history of adoptions. Katie presented on trauma brain neurobiology -- she's done part one, and part two is coming up. So today we will touch on the cultural issues, race and ethnicity piece of adoption. [Slide: Adoption Competency #15] [Tammera] So adoption competency 15 is comprised of race, ethnicity, and culture. Understand the children's understanding of race at different developmental levels. Being comfortable and engaging with clients of different race and ethnic backgrounds, and the ability to support adoptive families in talking about race, ethnicity, and other culture within their adopted child. [Slide: History and Statistics] [Toya] Okay. So now we are going to start talking and get into the history and statistics. And this is really just answering the question, the reason why transracial adoptions became relevant. Okay. So prior to World War II, race matching a child to family was the standard. Interracial adoptions was against the norms of segregated America, oftentimes the laws as well. But as America transitioned, two things were discovered that would lead into a change in these policies. One: there was a huge demand for adoptive children, and then two there was a need for permanent homes for black children in foster care. After 1945, adoptions doubled to 100,000 annually. And when the United States Children's Bureau began including race in its reporting system, it uncovered a need for placement of black children. Black children were being removed from their homes and basically aging out of group homes or foster care. These two factors combined led adoption agencies to begin experimenting with placing children of color into white homes. [Slide: Weaver, 2018] [Toya] Between 1960 and 1976, there were more than 12,000 recorded transracial adoptions in the United States. The studies that were completed during that time would show positive outcomes, especially when you're considering and comparing that to the children being reared in foster care. Um, the placement of black children into white families has been the most common type of interracial adoption in the United States. [Slide: NABSW] [Toya] Okay, so however, in 1972, the National Association of Black Social Workers took issue, then submitted a statement against the placement of black children in white homes for any reason. Their main reason behind this stance was, they believed that white families were ill-equipped to raise a black child in a racist society, the belief that white families were unable to teach them how to deal with racism properly, they also believe that black-white transracial adoptions were done with the benefit of the white family in mind, rather than for the benefit of the child. So as a result, both state and private adoption agencies responded with the swift reversal of their policies and revision of their statements that promoted same race adoptions. That is until, of course, the Multiethnic Placement Act of 1994 and Interethnic Placement Act of 1996 were enacted, which prohibited from refusing or delaying placement into foster adoptive homes based on race or ethnicity. [Slide: ICWA] [Tammera] So one major exception to these acts exists. It's the Indian Child Welfare Act which was enacted in 1978. It granted Native American tribes, exclusive jurisdiction over the placement of a child that is a member of a tribe. ICWA was enacted because of the fears that the growing number of a Native American children placed into white homes would lose their cultural heritage. On October 5th of this last year, the Indian Child Welfare Act was found to violate the equal protection Clause of the 14th Amendment and thus was found to be unconstitutional on the Federal Ninth Circuit Court. The Supreme Court is expected to reach a decision by June of 2023. This shows us that the debate on transracial adoption is still very much alive today. [Slide: Number of children in foster care in each federal fiscal years aspe.hhs.gov A combined bar-and-line chart showing foster care trends in the United States from 2005 to 2019. The x-axis lists years from 2005 through 2019, and the y-axis is labeled “Number of children in thousands,” ranging from 0 to 600. Two sets of vertical bars represent “Entries to foster care” (dark blue) and “Exits from foster care” (light purple) for each year. A blue line across the top represents the total number of children “In foster care.” The entries and exits bars are relatively close in height each year, generally ranging between about 250,000 and 330,000 children. Entries are slightly higher than exits in some early years (around 2005–2007), while exits exceed entries in others (around 2008–2010). Both measures dip around 2011–2012 and then stabilize, with a slight rise in entries and exits after 2014. The line for children in foster care starts near 490,000 in 2005, gradually declines to a low of around 380,000–390,000 by 2012–2013, and then steadily increases to about 420,000–430,000 by 2018–2019. The chart includes a legend at the bottom identifying the three series: entries to foster care, exits from foster care, and children in foster care.] [Toya] Okay, so now we're going to get into the statistics of it all. Okay, so if you look at this slide, this slide shows how from 2005 until 2019, the number of children that has entered foster care has declined. [Slide: Median number of months in foster care for adopted children, by age at entry and by race in 2017-2019 aspe.hhs.gov A grouped bar chart comparing the median number of months children spend in foster care by age group and race/ethnicity. The x-axis shows four age categories: “Age 0,” “Ages 1–5,” “Ages 6–12,” and “Ages 13–17.” The y-axis is labeled “Median number of months in foster care,” ranging from 0 to about 45 months. Each age group contains three bars representing White (dark blue), Black (light purple), and Hispanic (medium blue) children. Numeric labels appear inside each bar. For infants (Age 0), the median time in care is 23 months for White children, 30 months for Black children, and 25 months for Hispanic children. For ages 1–5, the values increase to 29 months (White), 38 months (Black), and 30 months (Hispanic). For ages 6–12, the medians are 31 months (White), 39 months (Black), and 31 months (Hispanic), representing the highest values across the chart. For ages 13–17, the medians decline to 24 months (White), 26 months (Black), and 25 months (Hispanic). Overall, Black children have the longest median stays in foster care across all age groups, while White and Hispanic children have shorter and more similar durations.] [Toya] All right. So if you look at this slide, this slide shows the length of time those kids stayed in foster care. And if you want to point out, I want to point out like the baby blue slide represents this, represents white children, and this is the African-American children and this lighter blue represents Hispanic children. [Slide: Percentage of adoptions that were transracial by race and ethnicity from 2005-2019 aspe.hhs.gov A horizontal bar chart titled “Percentage of adoptions that were transracial by race and ethnicity from 2005–2019.” The chart compares two time periods—2005–2007 (dark blue bars) and 2017–2019 (light purple bars)—across four categories: All children, adoptions of Black children, adoptions of Hispanic children, and adoptions of White children. The x-axis shows percentages ranging from 0% to about 60%. For all children, transracial adoptions increased from 23% in 2005–2007 to 28% in 2017–2019. For adoptions of Black children, the percentage rose from 21% to 33%, showing a notable increase. For adoptions of Hispanic children, the percentage decreased slightly from 49% to 46%, though it remains the highest among all groups. For adoptions of White children, the percentage increased modestly from 4% to 6%, remaining the lowest. Overall, the chart shows that transracial adoptions became more common over time for most groups, with the largest increase observed for Black children, while Hispanic children consistently had the highest share. Although adoptions and transracial adoptions increased since MEPA, racial disparities persist.] [Toya] So when you go to this slide, this slide shows the percentage of transracial adoptions. And again, this is all children that's come into care. This is our, this represents the number of black children that has entered foster care and then exited through adoptions, into transracial adoptions. This represents -- so take notice of the number of Hispanic children, and how almost half of our Hispanic kiddos are adopted to other races once they come into care. That's almost 50%. So what this information has shown is that although the amount of children entering foster care has declined, Black and Hispanic children are still staying in foster care longer, and are being adopted to families of other races at a greater rate. [Slide: The Unequal Opportunity Race] [Tammera] So the fact is, is that racism is here. And it is ugly. And as hard as you try you can't protect your children from racism. So the best practice is to get ahead of it by talking to your children about it and preparing them on how to process and deal with it. This is especially true if you're raising children of a different race. Best practice is not to wait until your kids come to you with questions about racism. By that time, they have already experienced it in some fashion. When your kids approach you with those questions, you also want to avoid saying things like, "He didn't mean that," or, "You're being too sensitive." These statements can be harmful and can create feelings of shame and invalidation, causing your child to feel confused and maybe devalued. Talking about racism is not easy, but as parents of children who will experience racism, it is crucial, it is a crucial conversation that we must have. They will need to have survival skills that include verbal, intellectual, and physical. These skills are not just about driving while black or confronting skinheads. Your kids will need to know how to survive with racism that's embedded in our educational, economic, judicial, and occupational institutions. Children need to have the language to discuss race and racism. To help us understand the role that racism plays in our daily lives, we may start by understanding its root causes and deep connections in every American system. To get started, we're going to watch a brief video that helps explain how racist policies and practices throughout history continue to affect people of color today. [Video plays. Title: Structural Discrimination: The Unequal Opportunity Race] [The video opens on a standard red running track inside a crowded stadium. Four athletes assume their positions at the starting blocks. Two are white (a man and a woman), and two are people of color (a man and a woman). When the starting gun sounds, the two white runners instantly take off down the track. However, the runners of color are physically blocked. Mechanical crossing gates drop in front of them, accompanied by bright red traffic lights. A large digital scoreboard in the background acts as a historical timeline, rapidly ticking upward through the centuries. As the clock rolls from 1493 forward, text overlays appear onscreen next to the trapped runners, symbolizing centuries of institutional barriers: - Slavery - Broken Treaties - Genocide - Manifest Destiny - Trail of Tears - Dred Scott Decision - Segregation While the runners of color remain stuck at the blocks, the white runners age, pass the torch to new generations, and collect massive, glowing blue canisters marked with giant gold "$" symbols. This represents the generational accumulation of wealth, homeownership, and social capital that was legally restricted to white Americans for centuries. Phase 2: The Modern Hurdles (1964 – Present) The scoreboard finally reaches 1964—the year the Civil Rights Act was passed. The traffic lights turn green, the gates lift, and the runners of color are finally allowed to begin running. However, they are already centuries behind. A storm cloud labeled "Discrimination" appears over their heads, pouring rain onto them as the white runners take off ahead of them. As they try to catch up, the track ahead of them shifts into an obstacle course of modern, institutional hazards that the white runners completely bypassed: - Poor Schooling: The lane changes from smooth artificial track to a rocky, uneven dirt path, causing one of the runners to stumble. - Underemployment: A massive canyon opens up in the lane, forcing the runners to lose time climbing down and scaling up the other side. - Standardized Tests: The lane turns into a deep water hazard teeming with sharks. - School-to-Prison Pipeline: A metal cage drops from the sky, trapping the male runner of color mid-stride. A crane lifts the cage, physically removing him from the race entirely. - Housing Segregation: A towering, padlocked iron gate blocks the remaining female runner of color. - Racial Profiling: A bespectacled judge stops her and hands her a cup labeled "Specimen." They hold a clipboard that reads, "Drug Test." - Shortened Lifespans: Just as she navigates past the gate, a thick brick wall slams down directly in front of her face, labeled "DEAD END." Phase 3: The Privilege Conveyor Belt While the final runner of color is trapped behind a brick wall, the camera pans over to the white runners. The man is no longer even running; instead, he is standing effortlessly on a fast-moving, motorized conveyor belt that glides directly over the hurdles. The woman continues to run, but is unencumbered by obstacles. Floating text boxes pop up above their heads to explain why their path is so effortless: - Privilege - Inherited Wealth - High-Quality Schools - The "Old Boy" Network The white runners cross the finish line smiling, collecting trophies, and celebrating their victory. [Video ends] [Slide: 4 Unique Challenges Faced by Transracial Adoptees Children's Bureau, 2020] [Toya] All righty. Okay, so that's, that was a very interesting video and I'm sure it triggered a lot of thoughts and comments, um, so if you have any questions and thoughts or comments, feel free to put those in the chat and then we'll try to address those at the end. But now we're going to segue into the four challenges that's faced by transracial adoptees. Okay, so we've learned that some of the challenges is lack of diversity, racism which they've experienced from adoptive family members, lack of connection to birth culture, struggles with racial and cultural self-identity. So, as the adoptive parent, Hopefully you've taken the time to plan, ask questions, and consider, then process your own biases. In our planning, oftentimes we neglect to consider our family members. Our extended family will also need to get used to the adoption, especially if they have not been involved in the process. It's important to know if someone within your family has negative thoughts about minorities. You'll need to determine if or when you'll engage with this person moving forward. So that's a decision that will have to come from you. Now diving into the culture and identity aspects, much of how a child's identity developed -- develops is influenced by immersion and exposure and encountering those who are around them. They internalize what they see and what they experience. They can learn the language and culture more easily with people they look like and with whom they share a racial identity, allowing them to code switch as they need or choose. This affects their self-esteem and sense of identity. They can learn important life lessons from adults of the same race about being a person of a particular race in American society. They may experience, with both children and adults, positive social interactions and behaviors that can help them understand and believe they are fully members of their racial group, rather than feeling like outsiders. Creating a strong family identity requires that all members feel included. Having a clear sense of family identity also may help you and your child decide how to respond to questions and comments from outsiders. Most importantly, the -- children should never feel like they are the exception in their own life. [Slide: Finding Identity] [Tammera] So these next two videos that we're going to watch speak to real-life experience of transracial adoptee families. [Video starts, music plays. Kyle Bullock stands on a bridge, looking out over the water.] [Kyle Bullock] My journey... in those years, I had to figure out my own path. I felt like I couldn't hang out with the white kids because I'm not white. I couldn't hang out with the black kids because I didn't talk black. I could code switch and I was able to maneuver my way around and get into those social groups, but I had to be on my own a lot. [Photos of Kyle as a child, smiling with a white boy, playing chess with him, smiling with basketball players of varying races.] [Title Card: Digital Doc Finding Identity: Growing Up a Transracial Adoptee] [Kyle walks up to his parents and embraces them. We see various clips of them walking through the city.] [Ellyn Bullock -- Kyle's mom] Oh my honey. Hi. Oh, it's so good to see you. [Kyle Bullock, 30, Transracial Adoptee] So I knew from an early age that something was different. I would get made fun of all the time like, "Oh your parents are white. You're black. You talk this way. Like why are you doing that?" It didn't really take a toll on me until probably high school. That's what it really started to form my feelings of anger and sadness and me being confused. [Close up shots of photos spread across an ottoman. We see pictures of Ellyn holding Kyle as a toddler, kissing his cheek. Kyle playing soccer. The Bullocks look through them together.] [Ellyn] It says on the back, "Kyle's arrival 5/1991". [David Bullock -- Kyle's dad] There's these kids, and there's not enough families out there. [Photo of David holding toddler Kyle on a playground. Of Ellyn holding Kyle as a young child.] [Narrator] Kyle's parents adopted him from foster care when he was nine months old. They have a daughter who was also adopted, and another son who was biological. [Photo of Kyle and his sister playing together. All three Bullock children together. The Bullock family smiling for a family photo outside in a garden.] [Ellyn] There were ways in which I would find myself being tone deaf and it would be really, really helpful to stop and learn and not be that tone deaf way again. I agree that there are things that black parents can give to black children that white parents can not give. That doesn't mean white parents can't be parents to black children. It just means they have to recognize that there are ways that they cannot parent. [Footage of Ellyn, David, and Kyle in the present, sitting together and eating ice cream.] [Narrator] Transracial adoption in the US has changed dramatically over the last two decades. Adoption from Foster Care reached an all-time high in 2019, with interracial adoptions from the system increasing by 58% from the early 2000s. While International Adoption, the majority of which is transracial, has decreased by about 80% over roughly the same time period. [Graphic of the United States with a banner reading "Transracial Adoption" over it. Squares with the years 2003-2019 run across the center of the screen, showing the passage of time. A graph titled "U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Foster Care Adoptions" show adoptions increasing from 53,536 to 66,035 from 2015 to 2019. The graph is covered by a box with the statistic, "Interracial adoptions from the system (Increased by) 58%." A new graph appears, titled "Rudd Adoption Research Program at UMass Amherst International Adoptions." It shows Internationals rising until 2003, where they peaked at nearly 24,000, and then falling by 80% over the next 14 years until 2017.] [Champaign, IL: Footage of children walking into an ice cream shop. They are of mixed races and ages. Some are wearing masks.] [Woman off-screen] Whose is this? [Ben] I wonder. See ya. [Woman off-screen] I wonder. [Robyn DiPietro-Wells -- Ben's mom] I felt unprepared. I felt like I didn't have the tools, so what I did then was, I poured myself into figuring out, how should I best parent this child who's going to have a very different experience than what I had and that what Tim had? [Narrator] Robyn and Tim adopted their son Ben from Ethiopia when he was four. [Footage of young Ben jumping up and down in the yard; eating a snack at the table.] [Robyn, off-screen] Oh the dinosaur ate the banana? [Ben] Yeah. Eat the banana. [Video of Robyn, Tim, and their children sitting at a picnic table eating ice cream.] [Narrator] They also have three biological daughters. [Home video of Lily dancing and laughing with Ben.] [Robyn, off-screen] Did Lily teach you that? [Ben sitting at a desk in his room and doing homework.] [Robyn] With Ben, there a few extra things you need to be aware of because of your race. Things will happen at school, say, and I'll ask him questions where I'm trying to deduce without implying whether I think there's any kind of implicit bias going on, and he says, "No, no, no, no, no." His perspective is still very innocent despite being fifteen. [Shot of a childhood photo of Ben alongside a childhood photo of one of the Wells' daughters, then of another framed photo of Ben as a teenager. Cut to a shot of Ben joking around with two of his sisters in the kitchen, petting the family dogs.] [Tim Wells - Ben's dad] It's not how you look at other people. It's how they look at you. So that's what we're trying to get through. [Footage from 2014 of "Black Lives Matter" protests, the memorial for Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri, piled high with stuffed animals. A protest sign with an image of Michael Brown, traced hands and "DON'T SHOOT."] [Protesters] Hands up! Don't shoot! Hands up! Don't shoot! [Robyn] I have a friend in particular who I reached out to, shortly, I think, after Michael Brown was killed. I didn't want any black man to have to do the work for me, but I needed to hear from somebody who had the lived experience was I doing it right? Should I say something? [Robyn] Should I not say something? [Ben Wells, 15, Transracial Adoptee] I was just like whatever, you know, just like push her away just because I was still a little young, you know, I didn't really understand why they would do that and all that stuff. But now that I'm older I understand a lot more. [Closeups of Ben's face, shots of him on the couch playing video games.] [Robyn] It matters that he is a black man and that he understands that color is seen, and to say that all people are the same or that you know, "I don't see color." It denies someone's experience. It denies the power component that's involved in racism, that's very, very present in our culture in our country still. [Narrator] For Kyle personally, like some other interracial adoptees, finding his birth mom was key to shaping his identity. [Footage of Kyle playing video games in his home, then on a video call with his birth mother.] [Kyle] What's the word, Squidward? [Michelle Hubble -- Kyle's birth mom] What's going on now? [Kyle] Hey, everybody says hi. Ma and Dad say hi. [Photo of Kyle and his parents, dressed up for what appears to be a wedding or other celebration of some sort. Kyle wears a suit and a boutonniere made from a white rose.] [Kyle] My adoptive parents, they passed on so many great qualities. At the same time, they're not my birth parents, and so it's, it's different. [Photo of Kyle with Michelle, his birth mom.] [Ellyn] Kyle would not have been happy any other way. You can't hide from your child that part of themselves. [Photo of Ellyn and Michelle sitting together on a set of bleachers. Cut to more "Black Lives Matter" protest footage.] [Protesters] Black mothers matter! [Kyle] She's African-American and I can talk to her in more depth about police brutality, or being black in America, because she gets it. I describe it as you're doing a puzzle, and you're missing one piece. Finally you find it, and you put it together, and you see the picture. That's exactly what it was like. [Photo on the ottoman in the Bullock house of Kyle and Michelle smiling together. Credits Producer: Matthew Kwiecinski Senior Producer: Mariana Henninger Editor: Allie Straim Graphics: Ben Plimpton, Michael Basilico Additonal Footage: Getty Images NBC logo] [Tammera] And now we're going to watch a video that presents questions parents can ask themselves if they have -- [Lester Holt] Thanks for watching our YouTube channel, follow today's -- [Tammera] -- our culture. [Video ends] [Slide: Questions to Ask Yourself] [Video: Considering Transracial Adoption? Four Questions to Ask Yourself] [Beth Hall: Founder of Pact, An Adoption Alliance] When we work with families who are considering what we call transracial adoption, what we want to ask them to do is look at four areas of their life. The first is personality issues. Are you the kind of person that likes to juggle a lot of balls in the air at once? Or do you like things to be in a straight and narrow? Are you the kind of person that can handle being in the public eye? Are you the kind of person who's a joiner or do you not, you know, I'm the kind of person who hates to look at a computer manual. I'd spend hours trying to figure out how to do it rather than look at that manual. That is not a good asset for a transracial parent, because guess what folks? I need to ask questions. I need to get help so we want to start there. We go next to attitude. Do you believe that there is no racism in the world? And if you do, are you prepared to learn differently? Are you prepared to reach out and find out what people of color think about whether there's racism? Are you prepared to understand that your child's experience is not going to be the same as yours? If there is nothing else I try to teach potential adopters, it is to shift their focus and understand that their experience and their child's experience are going to be different. Lifestyle issues. Where do I live? And when we, when I talk to families, very often they'll talk about, "Oh, but I know lots of people of color." Well, where do you know them? "Oh, well, like I work with a lot of people of color." So how many of us bring our three-year-olds to work with us on a daily basis? What I'm talking about is in our intimate lives. And I break that down, usually, who do I eat dinner with? And who do I worship with? Who do I love? Who do I know? Our children need to see us loving people that look like them in an intimate way. If you don't already have those relationships, you need to start yesterday in creating those relationships, because your child's lifeblood depends on them. We all need mentors. We all need people we can look up to that are like us, so that we can believe we can become functional, healthy adults. The fourth issue is knowledge. People, particularly those who, culture or communities that are targeted, which all communities of color are targeted, targeted communities in particular utilize their history, their internal history to feel strong. To combat racism so that, you know racism is a deadly force, and what we have to do with children is help them learn that they do not have to be a victim to racism. That they can push it aside, and part of the way they push it aside is by understanding the rich, powerful legacy that they come from. So for instance, if I have adopted from China, there is a powerful, powerful history and legacy there. Great many things to be so proud of, to embrace. Our Chinese adoptees, Chinese people, own that legacy. If I'm a white parent, I have to help that child own their legacy, which means they have to know about it. So we have to be able to give them that. So those are the four issues: personality, attitude, lifestyle, and knowledge. [Card: www.AdoptedTheMovie.com Video ends] [Slide: What are some ways you incorporate your child's culture into your environment?] [Toya] All right. Now we are going to transition to an engagement piece. We want to do a whiteboard activity asking this question. So Doctor is going to pull up the Whiteboard, and we want to know what are some ways you incorporate your child's culture into your environment? [Zoom whiteboard feature. People are able to add sticky notes with their responses to the question, such as, "Art," which will be read out once several have been added.] [Bonni] Oh, yeah. I'm trying to type the question in here, so everybody can see it. Can you tell me? [Toya] What are some ways you incorporate your child's culture into your environment? [Bonni] Thank you. [Toya] You're welcome. Yes, you do just write on the screen. [Bonni] On the left hand side there, Rae, you can do a box or a text, and you can click one of those and then click on the grid. Sorry Toya. [Toya] You're fine. So reading books at night, foods that you cook for dinner, family gatherings, festivals, and foods, hair products. Yeah. Even with the extended family. Yeah, birthday and holiday rituals and traditions. Love it. Music, music is so important. Okay. Like I think back with my family, like we love to cook. We love to spend that, I mean, it's attachment. So we spend time, we listen to music and we cook dinners together. So that is how we bond. And that is how my daughter, my 25-year-old daughter is, knows and loves music from 40 years ago. [Bonni] You ready for me to take it down, Toya? [Toya] Yes, yes. Yes. Thank you guys for your participation. Just wanna do something interactive just to get your thinking and... yeah. Okay. So. Now we're gonna dive into more about what culture is and how that impacts children and transracial adoptions. [Tammera] You gonna share the slide, Toya? [Toya] Is it not showing? [Tammera] No. [Toya] Sorry, oh. Okay, so let me... I'm gonna have the end of slide show and then start it over again, guys. Sorry. [Tammera] So while she's working on that guys, we want to talk about how children in transracial homes have the additional challenge of learning how to live biculturally, or walking in two worlds: the world of their own culture, and the world of the culture they are living in. They either feel a part of, or separate from. And with that connection to their own roots, a black child, for example, being raised in a white world will feel separate from the white people surrounding him or her who look different from them. Black children will also feel separate from the black people they look like who have the same cultural background, but they have no connection to it. Black children need to feel the connection to those who have the same shared culture and race. No matter how they are raised in their homes, society will assign them to the race and culture of being black and without connection, they will feel lost and isolated, not fitting in with the white culture they were raised in, and not fitting in with their own racial culture. Parents who make it a priority to become a bicultural home will help their children develop a strong sense of racial identity and self-esteem, which is strengthened when his or her cultural differences are valued. [Bonni] While Toya is working on that, I'm curious, I see, thank you Rae for putting some feedback in the chat. I'm just curious, is this, what Tammera was just reading about, that bi-cultural home, What, what are some experiences -- does anyone in this group have an experience, or even just saying yes or no? Is that something that you, that you experience in your own home? About four, Rae. So what does that mean, four? Four people in your home? [Rae] Can you hear me? Yeah. Oh my goodness. I didn't know you guys... put myself on mute. But let's see, so I'm one race, my spouse is another. -- girls and I share the same race, and then I have a son that is, like, has a different -- he has two different races. [Bonni] Okay. [Rae] So, I'm black. My husband's white. My daughters are black. We adopted the girls, I did as a single parent like, over ten years ago, and I have the surprise baby who's also part Native American, and then then we've got this disability, it -- well, the adoption culture is a whole other culture. [Bonni] Right. [Rae] Then some of the children, really all of them, have some form of a disability. So then that got thrown into the mix and it's, it's, as far as how my daughters feel about my husband's parents, when they were alive. We were really blessed in that we were all accepted. I mean, as a single mom that had three kids all at one time, I was really worried that my white parents my white in-laws, were going to be like, "No, no way you've got about three things. Just with the with the three of, the four of you here, we're not going to do it, but they were accepting of all of us. However, I did experience these little nuances that like, my mother-in-law would say every once in a while, and I would have to you know, go, ho head to head about that. And it created, I wouldn't say it was stress with the kids because they didn't hear those things, but I caught notes of different feelings or ideas that I knew were biased, I knew they were racist. Yeah, so they're, that was that. [As Rae talks, Toya flips through slides quickly to find where the presentation left off.] [Slide: Helping Parents Honor Diversity] [Bonni] Gotcha. So, man, thank you. Thank you, Rae. That is so many -- so many, you're multicultural in your home. Not just bicultural, and that, you bring up a really important point of when adults, that when parents really kind of have to run interference a little bit, and advocate and protect and teach other adults in extended family. That's a lot of what I've heard from families that have adopted transracially, of that it's a, it's an additional layer of responsibility that parents take on, and it's important. It's critical. Thank you so much for sharing that. I see Olivia, Toya, I'll turn it back over to you here in a second, but just checking on Olivia's chat has, "Raised by a white mom but my bio father is also black. I've always struggled with identity. Don't feel like I fit in with either side." You're not alone, Olivia. [reading] "Code switching, though I've never used that term as part of my everyday, it can be exhausting but I've also been told that it can be a tool." Yeah, Olivia. I'm really glad you're on here. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. And again, you're not alone. [Tammera] But Olivia, in echoing that statement, Robert O'Connor, who is an adult transracial adoptee and therapist and trainer has said, "If you are the only one you are alone." So if you were the only one who doesn't look like others, you are alone. Feeling different from others can create low self-esteem, especially if a child views different as bad. But as Bonni said, you are not, you are not alone, it just sometimes feels that way. And parents play a role in their child's racial socialization and in transracial adoptions, this experience can be difficult to handle According to sociologist Colleen Butler-Sweet, one's race is a defining characteristic, and a racial identity is a powerful social category that both shapes social interactions and impacts life chances. Social studies categorize parents into two groups based on the initiatives they take to understand the child's marginalization, which most are commonly referred to as the "color-blind" and "color-conscious." The color-blind parent ignores the concept of race and minimizes social indifferences or claims that paying attention to race delegitimizes minority groups, but the color-conscious would rather recognize race as a factor when understanding the identity of the child and understand that whites hold a place of privilege. So, some ways that you can help your child is to understand that diversity matters and challenge that "color-blind" stance. Foster the importance of racial identity and acknowledge racism and importance of appropriate coping strategies and see that child for who they are, not for who you expect them to be. Help them integrate multiracial identity into their lives, and create relationships outside of the family with people similar to that child, and integrate diverse foods, arts, furnishings, fashions, wardrobes, and music into your home. [Slide: When should you start?] [Toya] So when should you start this? You're probably asking yourself, when should you have these conversations about race with your kids. Well, researchers did a study asking that very question. [Slide: Embracerace, 2017] [Toya] Research shows children at the age of three can identify people based on appearances and show a preference towards a desirable quality of a person or objects. However, by the time children reach the age of eight, they are already able to understand racial judgments of themselves and of others. Babies can recognize race differences by the age of six months old. Embracing race requires parents to live these experiences of multi-raciality before they adopt children. Your adopted child should not be the first person of color in your life. Embracing race requires you to engage race, ethnicity, culture in your normal everyday life. It should be consistent and regular. Embracing race is understanding that not talking about race or being color-blind is harmful and not helpful to children of color. It prevents a family from authentically connecting and being mutually supportive to each other. It's an understanding that avoiding race does not eliminate racism or the reality that race is always present for all of us. It's understanding that when your child deals with a racial experience, you, the parent, will need to have tools and resources to support, help, and validate them. It's also understanding that racial identity is complex and relational. Identities cannot be developed through same-race dolls, books, or abstract experiences alone. It requires real people, real places, and real experiences. So to answer the question on when to start, the time is now. [Slide: The Doll Test -- The effects of racism on children] [Tammera] So next we're going to show you an updated version of the 1940s doll test experience. So in addition to understanding what it means to be in foster care or to be adopted, children and transracial homes need to know what it means to be a member of their own minority group. Having positive experiences within their own cultures creates a strong racial identity and a sense of belonging, along with a resiliency against negative stereotypes that are portrayed in the media and that are experienced in society through racism and discrimination. [Video: Doll Test - The effects of Racism on Children Card: The "Doll Test" is a psychological experiment designed in the 1940s in the USA to test the degree of marginalization felt by African American children caused by prejudice, discrimination, and racial segregation. We have re-created it with Italian children] [Speaking Italian] The video follows an interviewer asking a diverse group of children a series of structured questions while presenting them with two baby dolls that are identical in every way except for skin color: one is white and one is black. The interviewer guides each child through the same set of prompts, mapping out how they perceive the two dolls. "Which is the white doll?" The children easily identify which doll is white and which is black. When asked which doll is "pretty" (bella), the children consistently point to or touch the white doll. When asked which one is "ugly" (brutta), they point to the black doll. The children are asked to identify the "good" (buona) doll and the "bad" (cattiva) doll. They overwhelmingly assign the "good" label to the white doll. One young girl explains her choice simply, saying it's because the doll "has blue eyes." When asked why the black doll is "bad," she responds, "Because he's all black." The interviewer asks the children, "Which doll looks most like you?" Children of color in the video face a visible conflict, pausing or showing discomfort as they map their own identity to the doll they previously associated with negative traits. Card: "It is easier to break an atom than a prejudice." - Albert Einstein At the end of the video, a young Black girl confronts the interviewer after being asked to point out the black doll [02:19]. She tells him, "You offended me... Because you called me black." When he asks why that offends her, she explains that other children at school have called her black with meanness (con cattiveria). Even though the interviewer assures her he meant no harm, she looks away uncomfortably and points at the white doll, saying, "That one is looking at me funny." [Video ends] [Slide: Mindfulness Activity] [Toya] All right. So. After that, watching that video I want to take the time and do a mindfulness activity with you guys. So, whenever, if it's, sit comfortably in your chair. And I want you to sit with that for a moment. First I want to point out that this video was recreated in 2017. Sit with the fact that in the 21st century, this is still a reality for children of color. Sit with the pain of those kids as they pointed out that in their little learned life experiences, that black meant bad. Do you feel that? It's a hard place to exist, right? Okay, I want you to take a deep breath. Now, what do you think those children learn that from? Imagine what they have witnessed or heard for them to draw that conclusion. Take a deep breath. Now imagine that this is your child and you are sitting on the opposite side of a two-way mirror witnessing this experience. You see the pain, you see the hurt for the very first time. Now ask yourself: How will you show up for your child? What would you say on the car ride back home? This is the reality of kids who grow up in an environment without diversity and who never see any positive representations of people that look like them. Now take a deep breath. Now, I want you to think about three things that you can do to prevent any child from experiencing that pain. You don't have to tell us unless you want to. But just think about that. Get that, guard it in your heart and in your mind. Because this is what you can do now. Now I want you to take another deep breath and blow it out slowly and end it with a sigh. [Slide: Podcasts, blogs, and social media from transracial adoptees •Born in June, Raised in April is a podcast hosted by April Dinwoodie, who was adopted transracially. •Harlow's Monkey is a blog by JaeRan Kim that covers intercountry adoption and transracial adoption. •The Transracial Adoption Facebook page is a group with over 8,000 members. •The Adopted Life is a video series by Angela Tucker, who was adopted by white parents. Transracial parenting online resources •On the Transracial and Transcultural Families page of the Adoptive and Foster Family Coalition of New York website, you'll find resources on cultural competency, racism and microaggressions, and international adoption support. •The North American Council on Adoptable Children has a Transracial Parenting page with articles, including "Being Anti-Racist: A Critical Way to Support Children of Color in Foster Care and Adoption" •https://www.afamilyforeverychild.org/transracial-adoption-resources/ •https://www/thehairinitiative.org/ Transracial parenting books •Black Anthology: Adult Adoptees Claim Their Space, by Susan Harris O'Connor and Diane Rene Christian •Black Baby, White Hands, by Jaiya John •Growing Up Black in White, by Kevin Hofmann •I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla, by Marguerite A. White •Inside Transracial Adoption, by Beth Hall & Gail Steinberg •In Their Voices: Black Americans on Transracial Adoption, by Rhonda Roorda •In Their Own Voices: Transracial Adoptees Tell Their Stories, by Rita James Simon & Rhonda Roorda •Outsiders Within, by Trenka, Oparah & Shin •The Harris Narratives, by Susan Harris O'Connor •I Don't Have Your Eyes by Carrie A. Kitze •Families are Different by Nina Pellegrini •The Colors of Us by Karen Katz •See No Color by Shannon Gibney •My New Mom and Me by Renata Galindo •W.I.S.E. Up! Powerbook by Center for Adoption Support •A Mother for Choco by Keiko Kasza •Kimchi and Calamari by Rose Kent •The Length of a String by Elissa Brent Weissman •All Bears Need Love by Tanya Valentine I Love My Hair! By Natasha Tarpley •Dara Palmer's Major Drama by Emma Shevah •The Little Green Goose by Adele Sansone] [Toya] Okay, guys, we are... got a list of podcasts, blogs, and social media. Some things all about transracial adoptions for you. Um, This listing of books, it is books that could be read to children from two, and it's books that can, you can read as an adult to help you gain a better understanding. We will upload the PDFs, A PDF with this resource list to the chat. Oh, I also want to point out the Hair Initiative is a company that's in Oklahoma. They help our transracial adoptees' homes. They give, by giving kits for you to help with the hair, and products, they are a resource that you can contact, um, if you need help. They also are building like, a resource list for statewide, where they will get you in touch with salons or barbershops in your area or close to your area to help you with your kiddos that have our hair texture and things of that nature. So we are coming towards the end. So we are ready to spend this last few moments with you guys and open it up for discussion. [Slide: Time for Discussion] [Lynn Smith, Norman] Well, I want to thank you so much for presenting the information. It was really thought-provoking. And the three things that I thought about that I could do now was being open for that conversation with my children, well, with all children. Recognizing that color blindness really doesn't exist. And then also helping with the narrative that color can be linked to beauty and good things. Yeah, so, you know giving those compliments, saying those things around my children, changing even my mindset in regards to looking and making sure that I'm being culturally humble and open. [Toya] Good, thank you for sharing that, Lynn. [Tammera] Well and I, I like where you said, Lynn, that you were starting with yourself, because that's something we can all do. And pretty soon that will make a big difference if we all start there. [Lynn] For sure. [Tammera] Yeah, right. This is this is a heavy topic. [Bonni] It is, and I am super, super proud and grateful to our team, Toya and Tamera. Thank you guys so much for doing so well with this heavy topic. It's critical. It's really important for us and it's a really, really important piece of adoption competency, of recognizing this as a, as a professional, as a person, as a parent, recognizing that this is really big and important to understand for our kiddos who have been transracially adopted, and Rae, I appreciate earlier when you were sharing, you mentioned other types of culture, as well. The adoption culture, and the culture of disability, and there's just, there's so much, and having a home that, that is, I mean every every home really has its own culture. So shifting and moving into another home, in foster care and adoption. It's a significant impact on our kids, but especially the topics that we talked about today. When it is, your skin is different, is a different color and we cannot, we cannot be blind to that. Yeah, thank you for saying that. Thank you guys for being on here, and we've got a few more minutes if there's any other statements you'd like to share, any other questions, please feel free. [Lacey Sorrels] I wanted to share one additional perspective that's obviously not my own but I actually, um, just in scrolling through Tiktok one day, came across a lady and she's an African-American mom who adopted a white child. And she kind of uses comedic relief to share some of her experiences which have been really not so friendly. She said she's kind of felt like there's been this perspective of, because she is an African-American, she shouldn't be having a white child because you often see the opposite. We see white families with African-American children and she's had experiences where she's been at the park with her kid and people start to question her or ask her like, is this your kid? Like, do you have your papers showing that it's your kid? And so she's had some really negative experiences in that space. But she also and gives a lot of really good tips of like, how she's navigating that with her own kiddo. He's a toddler age, and her name is, or her whatever, tag name or whatever it's called, is Raising Cultures (@raisingcultures). And she just provides some really awesome like, insight and some funny experiences, and kind of comes across it from just laughing at some of the situations and showing that uniqueness within her family. And so I just thought that was a really neat perspective on her part. [Tammera] Well, and we also wanted to share that in the chat, you will find the QR code that will take you to the Adoption Competency page on okfosters.org. And that's where you can find some more resources and links. We'll link our next events in there, our recordings, everything is going to be wrapped around supporting our adoptive families. So please get on there for resources. Give us any ideas or anything you would like us to cover in the future, and just know, right, that you're not fighting alone. As you put in the, in the chat, we will wrap some stuff around you and help you. Alright, that does look like we are drawing to a close. We want to thank everyone for joining us today, and we look forward to seeing you on our next, our next Lunch and Learn. Thank you guys. [Bonni] Our next one is May 2nd, right? No, we have one the end of April. [Katie Stewart] April 25th. [Bonni] April 25th. Thank you so much. And we'll have, Kelly, one of our clinical social workers, who is going to be presenting Empowering Families with LGBTQ youth. So, Rae I agree, you guys killed it, great job. Thank you so much. Hope to see you back here at noon on the 25th. And also May 2nd, when Katie will be doing her part two of the Behind the Behavior: Impact of Trauma on the Brain. All right. We will get an evaluation link and certificate sent out. Thank you guys so very much. Have a great day.